Lion hugs and raspbellies

I had a hard day today and I needed some extra smiles.

B"H my kids were in tune to the fact, or at least willing to accommodate.

As they get older the interactions change, but the laughter and joy stay the same.

I can't blow raspberries on my 11 year old's belly any more and she protests the tickling, but she gives a great high five and a good firm bear hug. My nine year old is a great cuddler, but hates to be squeezed. With my five year old I can still get away with raspberries on occasion, cuddles and smooshes and lots of tickles.

My youngest gets the brunt of the raspberries. I get hysterical laughter from him by blowing his belly, his cheek, his neck and his arms. Then he hugs me and he growls. He growls and we laugh and hug tighter.

No matter what else is going on my kids are the light of my life, my laughter and my beacon of sanity.

Plans

I have a bunch of recipes saved and lots of plans for when I feel better.

I also have a big fear that that day won't come.

The hypoparathyroidism/hypocalcemia is here to stay and insistent on keeping me miserable, but there are drug trials underway and injectable medications on the horizon and that gives me hope.

So I continue to collect great sounding recipes and plans for the future, for when I feel better, and I pray that that day comes soon.

Until then I am appreciating my life for what it is. The pace may be slow, my ability to do and go not like it was "before" but my pain is a lot less than a year ago, our understanding of what we are facing is better, and most importantly I am alive to cuddle my kids, sing bed time songs, read stories, laugh and give kisses. We can love and hug and live together, even if I have to plan my whole day around how much energy I have and how numb I am starting out.

Curtains, clutter, time and energy.

It is a funny time of year.

My neighbors and I are in the midst of decluttering and spring cleaning (ostensibly getting ready for Pesach/Passover). Often we speak on the phone as we are doing our work. Moral support is needed, and plus, the cups I haven't used in 10 year may be exactly what my neighbor needs and the curtain material that my neighbor is getting rid of may be perfect on my son's window.

Some years I wonder if decluttering this way works. So far this year we are up several bags of hand me down clothing and some material for curtains and down a lot of papers and broken toys.

It takes a lot more energy, emotionally as well as physically, to get rid of stuff than take it, especially when the stuff is delivered to the door by the neighbors' willing children.

Life goes on. Thank God!

B"H today was a nice low key day. The kids went to school, I took my nap, made phone calls, rescheduled appointments and heated up lunch.

Days like this are wonderful.

No doctors.
No hospitals.
No news.
No running.
No fretting.

Just hugs, kisses, smiles and living.

Yes, I have things to deal with, life, and pressures, but I can appreciate today for what it is. B"H it is mine and I am going to live it no matter what kind of stress people may be trying to throw at me.

I am doing what I think God wants of me and there is a lot of peace in that.

New plan, living with cancer.

My surgeon is very unenthusiastic about going after the mass because of its location behind my carotid artery, relatively small size (1cm) and all of the scar tissue from my neck dissection. The oncologist agrees that the RAI isn't likely to take care of it without surgery, so the plan now is to watch and wait. We will be doing regular blood tests and ultrasounds and living with it.

So, I have cancer and it is okay.

I am not sure how I feel about this. I am greatly relieved not to be doing surgery or RAI again now, but I really really want this gone.

A new day and a new smile.

Today was B"H a good day. I went from the lab by my home to Jerusalem and hung out with a wonderful woman. We ate, we beaded, I shed just a couple tears, and we laughed.

Tomorrow I meet with my oncologist and my surgeon. IY"H tomorrow we will have a final plan.

For now I have good friends, adorable children and bedtime to attend to.

The waiting is over.

Blood test results are in and there were no miracles this time.

I don't have an appointment but the oncologist said to call her and come this week, preferably Wednesday or Thursday. The surgeon said he would be calling the oncologist Wednesday, so I plan on going over then to hear their thoughts when they are both have my neck on their minds. They are in the same hospital and meeting up with both of them in one day has worked out well in the past.

The surgeon says that there most likely (barring cancellations) will be a 6-8 week wait for surgery and that it will be a tough one because of the location of the tumor and all of the scar tissue from the previous surgery. He doesn't sound too excited about the prospect.

That won't give us much time from the surgery until the RAI, and I was hoping to still be on my thyroid medication so I could heal more easily after the surgery. It doesn't sound like that will be happening. I have to be off of my thyroid medication for 3-4 weeks before the RAI and the RAI isolation room is already booked starting May 23rd, 11 weeks and six days from today.

B"H we can do this. I am focusing on being grateful that there is surgery and treatment available.