Two more biopsies, no more answers

Since my last post I had had two more biopsies and no real answers.

My surgeon wants the central neck mass removed though he agrees it is likely a cyst and likely benign.  It is affecting my swallowing and may be a thyroductal cyst, which can contain thyroid cells, never a good idea with a history like mine.

I have a CT schedule in a couple weeks.

Surgery is scheduled IY"H for October.  I asked if we could wait until the children are back in school and my surgeon thought that was fine.  The only "problem" is he booked me for 6pm.  Since DH has to be with me, I can't see that working.  6pm likely means 8 pm which means children home at bedtime without news on how I am, without me, without their father, worried.

No.

I asked for an earlier time and hopefully it will be changed.

The surgery will require a new incision, a new scar on my already scarry neck.  I am not sure why one more scar bothers me, but it really does.  I am starting to feel like Frankenstein.  I am sure no one else will notice though.  My current scars have already faded and aren't terribly noticeable, but I am anxious about a new one none the less.

It will also mean 3-4 days inpatient.  3-4 days away from my kids.  I will again have an incision on my neck, a drain to deal with, nurses giving me my medication when it is best for them, not for me, a bathroom I have to share and pain to bear.

I haven't told my mother yet.  I am not sure if/when I will.  Most of my friends don't know either.

I don't want to deal with other people's worry.  I don't want their anxiety creeping in.  I don't want to reassure them right now.

I know this is nothing compared to what I have been through in the past, but I know what I have been through in the past and don't want anything even remotely like it again.