Tired, but productive and happy.

I made challah today as well as chicken soup stock. I was a bit overambitious and defrosted chicken wings and mentioned cookies to the kids... but that didn't happen. Maybe tomorrow.

Besides that I spent the whole day doing laundry. My machine takes 2 hours to do a hot wash (it heats its own water) so it wasn't that many loads, but I managed to get all of the sheets and some of the blankets washed. My helper came B"H so between her and my husband's help later, all of the beds are made up with fresh clean sheets without a mess of clean sheets waiting to be folded and put away.

I am getting sick though. My nose is running, my throat hurts and I am coming down with something. I hope it passes quickly and easily. I have no desire to be sick.

Great day!! I made pickles, marinated tofu, and did laundry.

B"H today was a great day. I had a bit of a nap this morning before my doctor's appointment. At my appointment I got everything straightened out, lab slips and prescriptions for my stimulated thyroglobulin testing next week. Picking up the injections at the pharmacy was a bit funny. The pharmacist couldn't find the medication even though the computer said it was there so she unlocked the pharmacist door and let me in the back to look through the fridge (and find the medication B"H) myself. That was a funny first.

I now have several thousands of dollars, in the form of two shots, in my refrigerator. The stuff is so precious that they gave me a nice reusable icepack to bring it home with so it was stay cool.

This afternoon I spent with my kids and then I went for my massage and reflexology. We had a bit of trouble with the table, but she did a great job and took good care of me none the less. On the way home I picked up some tofu and dill.

I have been searching for dill for weeks! All of the stores I have been to have been sold out, so dill was an exciting find. Since I had the dill I needed to make pickles. Somehow the cucumbers were not patiently waiting for me though. What was left was okay, though not great, but most of them were eaten. After preparing two jars worth of dill and peeled and sliced garlic I discovered I had half a jar worth of cucumbers left.

I had a good laugh at myself for not checking first and filled the rest of the jar with carrots to pickle. The second jar is waiting for my husband. Hopefully he will bring me home some more cucumbers.

I managed to slice and marinate some tofu and have it baking in the toaster oven now. I have some huge tofu fans in my house and am planning on sending baked tofu and pasta with vegetables and some soup for my son's lunch tomorrow.

In between it all I managed to throw in some laundry. I am down to one load waiting to be washed.

I feel amazing. I am tired, I am sore, but I got out of the house twice today and got plenty done in the house as well. I love love love days like today.

I am just so tired

I got up this morning to see the kids off and deal with food for lunch and answer some phone calls. At noon I couldn't keep my eyes open any more so I set an alarm for 1:15pm when the girls walk in and went to lie down for a bit.

Though I managed to greet them and even give them directions on what was for lunch and remind them to turn off the oven, I just couldn't wake up enough to get out of bed. Yesterday just wiped me out. I make a point of being awake and ready to great them when they come home from school, so this was upsetting to me. They took it in stride though. Came to me to ask questions and show me things and didn't seem fazed that I fell right back to sleep.

I woke up for real when my alarm went off to get my son off of his school van.

The girls had eaten and done their homework while I was sleeping. I am not sure if I should be upset that I was sleeping while on mommy duty, or proud that they managed so nicely on their own.

Either way, I am just exhausted.

Tomorrow I have a local doctor's appointment in the morning and reflexology in the evening. I still have to get a babysitter for the evening appointment.

For the record, according to the lady at social security when I called today, the wait for back payments is 60-90 business days. 90 business days is a bit more than four calendar months. As much as I hope she isn't, I am sure she is right. I should stop my daily bank account balance check for a while because there is no hope of seeing the money before March.

Maybe plane tickets will be cheaper by then as well.

My oncologist and I agree

That we don't know what is best to do. She has decided to present my case to a panel of doctors next week and I am going to do thyrogen injections and stimulated thyroglobulin (my cancer marker) blood tests next week as well. Between the two we are hoping to make a more informed decision on what to do.

My oncologist agrees that the radiation failed me last time and jumping into it, since it is protocol, may well be pointless. Since we may well need it again in the future (it works better on spread outside of the neck) it may be better to "save" the treatment for later, but protocol is to do the treatment if tumors are found. Not doing it isn't so simple either. Stray cells it may well take care of in the neck, so if that is all we are down to and there are no other tumors we may have a case for using the RAI again and just zapping what is left and not doing the treatment could well leave the cancerous cells to grown and multiply freely and become tumors.

I just don't know. I want it all gone, but I don't want to go through necessary or useless high dose radiation.

We shall see if next week brings more questions or more clarity.

Next up oncologist and parent teacher conferences in one day!

I can't say I am looking forward to either, not that I am expecting anything bad, but it is going to be a long day. The closer I get to the RAI, the less I want to do it. I wonder what the oncologist would say if I told her I wasn't willing.

Another round of RAI would increase my risk of other cancers, mess up my blood counts and make me feel awful for months, mean no more babies for at least another year (no, I am not sure I should have more kids with my other health issues, but I am not getting younger and it stinks that radiation has a say in this), cause swollen and painful salivary glands and a dry mouth for a year or so after the treatment, mean a week away from my family and I don't have anywhere to go after the hospital before I am allowed home the time, and just royally stink. The topper is, it may not even touch the cancer in my neck. It has a bad track record in general and already failed me once.

Parent teacher conferences will be much more pleasant I am sure. I am in touch with the teacher often enough that I don't know what the point is in shelpping to Yerushalayim to talk again. I will go because it is the right thing to do, but I am in a mood right now, and the idea of a second trip to Yerushalayim in one day, for my son's parent teacher conferences 11 hours after my oncologist appointment, isn't make me less grumpy.

Sigh.

In case you are wondering, I certainly seem to be

90 business days from my US disability approval date would be Tuesday March 8, 2011.

Now we know.

I still hope that they meant 30-90 days, not business days for my deposit. That would mean Jan 31, 2011. Either way, it should be here in plenty of time to buy tickets to go to the US this summer, though the price of the plane tickets could well go up.

I am not feeling great, though better than before B"H, and since I am not sleeping well I find my brain stuck on odd things, like this one. Does it really matter? No! Will we have the money (God willing) exactly when we should have the money. Yes! Do I want to know what is happening and plan my life even though I am clearly not in charge (and that is a good thing, really)? Yes. Most certainly yes.

It is hard to let go, know I am not in charge and go with the flow of life and God's plan. I am a planner. I like to know in advance what is coming. I check the weather and have clothing planed in advance. I like to know what meals we are eating when.

Being sick has forced me to drop a lot of my planning and control over my life. It doesn't mesh well with my inner wants, but this trip I still seem to think I can plan, which is ridiculous. I can't plan how any of us will feel, the weather, if and when the money is coming, and if the trip can and will actually happen. I don't even have a radiation isolation date yet.

Life is good, I am happy, but I am not in control. Learning that is a process. Even though I "know" it I seem to need a lot of reminders, and I get them. I keep wondering if I learn completely that I am not in control and learn to be patient, will the lessons keep coming or will life flow along a lot more easily?

I am doing a bit better today B"H

I am still not okay, but definitely doing better than yesterday. It seems that this will take a bit to recover from.

The Israeli passports that DH brought the girls to Jerusalem to take care of on Monday arrived. We only have my and my son's Israeli passports to take care of before we leave. Of course we still need the money to buy the plane tickets before we can go anywhere. We are now 52 days down out of the 30-90 days for the deposit to get to my bank account. I am starting to worry that they might have meant 30-90 business days though. I am tempted to calculate out 90 business days and see when that would be.

My six year old has a stomach virus. She has been vomiting and has fever, but she is happy and full of pep. Right now she is sweeping my living room floor. No, no one asked her to, she is just keeping herself busy. Before the started on the floor she picked up and put away all of the books from the couch. I have to come up with a prize for her, but certainly not a food one today!

Shabbos preparations are coming along nicely B"H. We still have a bunch of baths to do, but everyone seems to be cooperating nicely and happily.

I hope to never do that again

I fell asleep last night without taking my medication for the first time in the 21 months since my surgery. I took no calcium, no alpha D3, no prophalactic antibiotics, nothing at all.

I couldn't get out of bed this morning and I didn't realize why until I dragged myself out of bed so my husband could leave for work. Until I suddenly realized I assumed it was because busy day yesterday.

Eventually I took my medication, but I am a mess. I am numb, tingly and having muscle cramps like I don't remember having for a long time. I hope I can recover from this quickly. What a mess!!

Despite it all, it was my daughter's 10th birthday tonight and we needed to celebrate. I gave her the clothing and gum I bought her yesterday evening and she loved and appreciated it all B"H. We also had a special supper, which I have no idea how I pulled off. I threw ingredients for bread dough in the bread machine and rolled hotdogs and ketchup up in the dough, egged the outsides and baked them. Along with some french fries, supper was a real hit.

We had a good day, even though I couldn't stand anyone touching me and moving, standing, sitting are all torture. I still managed to be mommy and get done what I thought was important. The kids knew I wasn't feeling well because I couldn't let them lean or sit on me, but they certainly didn't suffer from it.

This isn't an experiment I would have done on purpose but it is good to know that, while miserable and probably not terribly safe, missing my medication didn't kill me. Thank God for that!

Good morning sunshine!

Today was a bright sunshiny day. I was awake before 7am, had a nice morning with my kids, made it to the doctor's for my blood draw, did some grocery shopping and made a nice lunch.

After cooking for lunch, before kids came home, I got a quick nap. This evening I went out for massage and reflexology, did a bit of shopping for my daughter's birthday and now I am home, exhausted and happy.

Today was a wonderful day.

Days like today give me hope that normal, or something close enough to normal, could exist again.

Need to reboot

Today wasn't a bad day. I read to my kids, had some good snuggle time with them as well, found a way to let my almost 10 year old go to a wedding in Jerusalem despite my worries having her travel so far without a parent (she had a great time and got home at a reasonable hour even) and did bedtime on my own.

I am still exhausted from yesterday, so I spent the morning sleeping. I did not make it to my blood tests, so tomorrow I must and then I will be praying my results are ready before my oncologist appointment next week. I think they should be, but I hate pushing things off. I also have my second reflexology and massage appointment scheduled for tomorrow. I am looking forward to it, and hopefully I will remember to go.

It is a tossup whether the highlight of my day today was the time with my children or eating the cheese blinzes that someone sent over tonight after everyone was in bed. They were really good. I guess the kids probably win, but the cheese blintzes were nice.

I hope everyone else had a good day too.

No pickles, but I did make lunch!

We had tuna noodle casserole for lunch. It is a lunch my girls love and I made it all by myself.

I also had a doctors appointment and got lab orders and prescriptions that I need and took my son and me for passport pictures. His pictures are much cuter than mine, but that is to be expected.

I don't think I look too swollen but my last passport pictures, from 7 years ago, are still what I would prefer.

My husband took my girls to Jerusalem to fix their Israeli passport applications, which our local office messed up, which means I didn't have my little helpers to keep my son safe and entertained. My youngest daughter is usually his playmate and without her here I found myself working hard just to keep him from leaving the house (I failed once, but B"H got him back easily while he was just outside the front door and after that I locked the door) and safe. He was not cut out to be an only child!

I wonder if oldest children are more used to entertaining themselves, so they do a better job at it, or G-d just sends the ones capable of playing on their own first?

So far we have 6 of the passports we need and four more on their way. We only have two left to apply for. We are definitely making progress.

I must must must be feeling better before we go though. If not I will be staying where ever we are and sending the kids and husband off to have fun, and that just doesn't sound like fun for me. I am the only driver, so it would be more fun for all if I was up for driving.

All in all, we have six months until I need to be in tip top shape, or at least feeling more useful than a lump of play dough at the end of the day. Play dough is fun, and it has its uses, but feeling human would be much appreciated.

Sorry for being so down.

My posts haven't been my typical cheerful me. I have been tired, hurting and overwhelmed. It hasn't been as much fun to be me as it usually is, and I am willing to wager that reading me hasn't been much fun either.

Today was another hard day after another night lacking sleep because of heartburn but it was filled with bright spots. I got good news about one of my daughter's health issues and I got out to my nephews engagement party.

Despite the fact that it will reduce my calcium absorption I am not on Prevacid, and acid blocker, to help stop the reflux. Just the idea of a full nights sleep is enough to make me grin like a Cheshire cat.

Even though I still don't have my disability money (they said it would take 30-90 days and we are on day 49 now, so getting there I hope!) the prices on the airplane tickets I want have not gone up either. I also ran into my old doctor, from the states, at the engagement party. It turns out he is the first cousin of my nephew's new FIL. That makes him related... and made it much easier to ask him for lab slips for my blood tests when I am in the states this summer. I now have his office number and one thing off my head.

Progress!!

A friend is doing her best to find me contacts for a bungalo to borrow/rent when we are in the Catskills. Even if it doesn't work out, it is nice to know she cares and is trying.

I think I need more sunshine. I have been feeling down. My goal for tomorrow, besides doctor's appointments after dark, is pickles and sunshine.

Insomnia...

I am so so tired, but when I got to sleep I either wake up in pain or with heartburn and find I can't fall back to sleep.

Last night I fell asleep before the kids, thank God for my husband! I was asleep from 7pm until midnight, with a brief waking when my husband put my son in my bed at around 9pm. At midnight I had to have my husband move my son (he wasn't getting his night feeding in my bed) and then I was up until 3am with heartburn.

Right now I am too tired to get the things done I need to do to go to sleep. My son's lunch needs packing and I have to get my daughter's papers together for her tests in the morning. I have to find something to eat so I can take my night time medication before I go to bed.

It is ridiculously late and I am so frustrated with myself. My sleep cycles are a mess. I have to get them back on track. I think if I was getting more sleep, and sleeping through the night my energy level and my memory would both be improved.

I feel like I am pushing through a physical and mental fog all of the time.

My brain is gone, totally gone.

I slept through my 7:30am alarm. My husband got the kids out just fine, early even, but I was supposed to call the lady who was supposed to come and clean and make sure she got up and it didn't happen, so she didn't come.

She said she wasn't feeling well and needed to go to the doctor anyway, but I was supposed to have called her.

Then at 4pm I realized I had missed my 2:30pm physical therapy appointment.

My alarm went off at 2pm to remind me and I couldn't even remember what it was supposed to be reminding me to do.

I got a phone call at 3pm telling me there was a cancellation with my son's gastroenterologist and asking if I could come at 5:30pm. We happily took it, and after his appointment we did a bit of grocery shopping. I got out, despite missing my PT appointment. The kids had fun, but my son was a bit hyped up from the allergy medication he is on and it was an interesting and exhausting experience.

We got home at a little before 7pm, but I was so wiped out that I looked at the clock expecting to be running late for bedtime already. It was a huge surprise to see that we were right on time!

It has been an exhausting week, but surprisingly my numbness isn't terrible. I am tired, I am sore, but my low calcium signs are absent. That is really amazing!! I am very very thankful for this reprieve.

If only I could find my brain I could push through the exhaustion and do what I need to a little bit better.

Whirlwind day

I had trouble sleeping last night but B"H I made up for it this morning. I am glad I set my alarm to leave for my appointments, otherwise I would have certainly slept through them! I got prescriptions from my sons pediatrician and showed my doctor my arm. She started me on antibiotics because she thinks I have cellulitis again though I highly doubt it!

This would mean that the last three times I got the flu shot it gave me cellulitis... how likely is that, short of the nurse spiking the injection with bacteria. I injected myself twice a day with blood thinners for almost a year and a half without a single injection. This just doesn't make sense.

Probiotics here I come!!

I had my special needs support group tonight instead of Sunday night. It was rescheduled, which was fine, but I am totally wiped. After traveling to Jerusalem with my son yesterday I really should have just stayed home and rested today.

PT is tomorrow. My PT was so confused to see my name on her list, since I was discharged a year ago, that she called to make sure it was accurate. She thought that maybe they scheduled me last year for this year by mistake. It was a funny conversation but she was very sorry to hear I had surgery again.

I got in touch with the lady who was supposed to help on Fridays the last two weeks, and she wasn't well but she is hoping to come tomorrow. Her goal is 9:30am, which in the past has meant 12-1pm which would be perfect. The girls would be here for most of the time she is here to work with her, make sure things are put away in the proper place, help find any cleaning supplies she needs and she would be here when I need to leave for PT. She may not be good at arriving on time, but I would trust her with my house and kids and it would save me the trouble of looking for a babysitter or farming the kids out to neighbors for the afternoon.

I am cautiously optimistic.

I am also thoroughly exhausted, so good night all!!

Busy busy and busier

There is no rest!

For better or for worse, I am exhausted. Some of it is the normal exhaustion of having children, some is being post op and some is the crazy running around I have had to do lately.

My son and I (finally) got our flu shots Sunday, for what may end up being out last time. I have a red swollen hot area about 3" across (in a nice neat circle). It looks just like last years, which the doctor declared cellulitis and put me on strong antibiotics for.

I am thinking it wasn't.

My son also got "cellulitis" from his flu shot last year, but he also got pneumonia two days after the shot, so he was on antibiotics and steroids and we weren't too concerned about his arm. It was being treated any which way.

This year his arm swelled from his shoulder to his elbow. The whole thing is red, hot to the touch and 25% bigger around than his other arm. You can see that it is red and swollen from clear across the room. We weren't able to get an appointment with the ped locally, since he was only in town when my son was in school, so we had to meet up with him tonight at the emergency room of the hospital he works in in Jerusalem.

To his credit, it was the fastest ER visit we have ever heard of, in and out in 15 minutes or less. He has no idea what it is though, so he is on some hefty antibiotics, plus steroids and antihistamines. His ped gave him the first doses while we were still in the ER, but B"h he let us leave after that.

So I had a trip to the ER, which though it was only 15 minutes in the ER, I was out of my house for three hours with the travel time. Then we came back and I had to go to the only pharmacy that was open at that hour that would take my insurance, all of the way on the other side of my city.

I try not to make this blog about my son's medical things, since his privacy is important to me, but today was totally exhausting. DH was working, I had to arrange babysitters for the other kids and I just wanted to be home, in my bed, taking a nap.

But we push though! He gives us the strength to do, even when we think we don't have it. For our kids anything is possible, and not just possible, easy, until we are past it and feel in our bones how tired we really are.

On a plus side, we had some awesome french fries from a vending machine while we were at the hospital! In 50 seconds, from the time you pay, the machine fries them fresh and dispenses them in a cup. It was awesome. There weren't enough in the cup to make me feel guilty even if I had eaten them on my own and AC really enjoyed them so I didn't get many at all.

I will not be going back for french fries, but it is nice to know that there could be something nice about a hospital!

Yesterday I wanted to post about my kitchen cabinet cleaning spree, which I am really happy about. My baking cabinet, where I keep my cocoa, sugar, flour, sprinkles, baking powder, etc, was in a disarray. It is a cabinet over my kitchen cabinet, so a lot of reaching up which is hard for me, but I did it and it looks ever so much better and it is infinitely easier to find all of my bottles of flavorings and I know how much baking powder I have again.

I also managed to go out and buy the kids more winter sweaters and long underwear, since winter has finally hit!!

I have been busy, and mostly in a good way that I am happy about. Tomorrow I start physical therapy and in the crazy of this evening I didn't arrange a babysitter. I hope that I manage it, or I will have to bring all of my kids with me, which could prove to be very interesting.

It is raining!!!

I am up listening to the beautiful sound of rain pouring down after a long long stretch of drought. This is the first real rain we have had since last April. It is such a wonderful sound. Especially today, it is so pure, clean and refreshing after two days of yellow haze of sand storms.

I feel like my situation has been a lot like the weather. I have such a thirst for life and like the plants and trees until now, I have had no energy to live.

Right now I am soaking up and revering in every task I manage to do that I couldn't the previous week. I am also pushing my limits to such an extent that am having trouble keeping up with my blog.

B"H I am doing okay. I have a lot more to update, but no more energy though. The rain has stopped and I am going to get some sleep.

Not again, yes, again.

Two weeks in a row the lady I hired to come in the early morning on Friday and help get ready for Shabbos has canceled late Friday morning. Last week it was a forgotten appointment. This week is is sick. I feel bad for her, but I am also frustrated.

It leaves me with the choice of pushing myself into major pain to have things ready the way I want them, or lowering my standards. I have a lot of experience with both.

It is so nice when she comes. A couple hours of an able bodied willing worker makes the difference between pushing to get the house spotless and in order and getting there in an easy beautiful way.

For now, with a bit of push, my kids are helping and we will IY"H get there together which is also worth a lot.

On my own.

Today was the last day of vacation and we did just fine. In the morning, before my husband left for work, he took the girls for their Israeli passports. So we managed to get both sets of passports done for the girls without them missing a single day of school!

This afternoon I managed to finally deal with getting the gum off of my skirt, which has been sitting in my freezer for weeks waiting for me to have strength to deal with it. I did several loads of laundry and got all of my kids bathed and to bed on my own.

I am exhausted but happy.

I have some ironing to do before bed and am praying hard that the lady I hired to help with the house actually comes tomorrow, because I am done. Vacation was good, but now I need one.

Next week looks very busy, but some of it with very good things. Saturday night I have a bridal shower for a good friend's oldest daughter. Sunday is my special needs mother's support group. Monday evening I have a massage and reflexology scheduled, which I am hoping will help with my pain and Wednesday I am scheduled to start physical therapy.

I am taking care of myself. That I am. I am determined to do what ever I can to feel better and get some function back. I need to schedule a bit of rest as well, but I am tired of resting.

Last night of Chanukah

Holidays are so bitter sweet. This year we B"H did a great job, I know it because the kids are bemoaning its end. My kids love school, but they enjoyed vacation and want it to continue. My oldest even commented on how busy they were and how many trips we took, and how she still had time at home and to visit with her friends.

It was B"H a great balance.

I am exhausted though. I need them at school already.

Hopefully my husband is bringing the girls to get their Israeli passports tomorrow morning and while they are gone I have plans for a nice nap. We managed to fill out the forms and pay online and we already have their pictures, so it makes sense to do it while they are on vacation, instead of pulling them out of school.

I may not have the money for the tickets yet, but I am determined to make this trip a reality.

Falling apart

It has been a busy week, too busy.

Generally I hate to complain about my kids, which is easy since I have very little reason to. They are B"H wonderful kids who are the light of my life and keep me smiling even when I am down.

Right now, after putting so energy and much effort into make their vacation special and trying to keep them from being stuck home bored this vacation, I am ready to send my girls off to boarding school.

I don't see that getting them out of the house made a big difference in their vacation behavior. As a mater of fact, they are bothering each other, taunting each other and hitting each other, none of which they generally do!

I am at my whits end. They are usually great, gentle, well behaved kids who have so little sibling rivalry that I have no experience in this. The "she hit me" "no she hit me first" thing is insane, or at least making me insane.

I am too tired and run down for this. I just can't do it. I actually told them tonight that I am putting in notice for tomorrow, if they hit each other I will be spanking them. I have spanked each of my girls once or twice in their lifetimes. I am not a proponent of spanking. I don't see how spanking them for hitting makes any sense, but I don't have energy to come up with a better solution. We have done time outs. We have sent them to their rooms. We have made them apologize. We have worked on keeping them away from each other. At 12, 9 and 6 they are capable of keeping their hands to themselves. They managed it until this week.

Can I blame the sugar from the donuts? If I can there is hope of life going back to normal and not hearing high pitched little girls shrieking soon.

I just need a nap. I am tingly, having muscle cramps and keep on falling asleep where ever I am. I did B"H get a nap today, but it wasn't enough and I feel like it never will be.

I don't have energy for this now. I don't have the energy to be upset or to come up with a better solution to their fightings.

I just want them to stop.

Sibling day

Today was sibling day at my son's school. We left bright and early and were there until lunch time. The kids had fun, they ate, did an arts and craft project, and sang Chanukah songs.

I went too, since there was a meeting for the parents of the children in my son's class. It was nice to see the progress they have made in building and watch the children interact.

My son wanted to come home with us, but there was only room for four of us in the cab, so my oldest went home in the wheel chair accessible van that usually brings my son home. It was really cute and funny. The driver was very gracious about it and best of all, no one had to wait in the (long awaited, much appreciated) rain to get my son off of the van today!

This afternoon we ate donuts, my kids played with the neighbors and we had some nice family time after we lit the Chanukah menorah.

I am wiped out and seriously wondering how I am going to get through the day tomorrow. I have to have a nap. I am running on less than fumes and feeling more than a little broken.

I am off to bed now but we are leaving bright and early tomorrow morning to my cousin's son's bris.

Sunday was #1

Sunday is always the first day of the week, but this Sunday was also just a wonderful day.

I had trouble sleeping at night, so it was odd that I woke up bright and early ready to face the day, but wonderful as well.

I started my morning with some one on one time with my son. I got him dressed and prettied up and ready for his van. He was done with a good 15 minutes to spare and my husband was able to daven (pray) at his leisure with that task off of his head.

By the time my son was on his way to school my oldest was up. She wanted to do "something" so once she was dressed she started on finding the broken crayons and I instructed her on turning on the oven and getting together the things she needed to melt them into crayon cupcakes.

It B"H went really well and we have one cleaned out drawer and six crayon cupcakes which are great for multi colored leaf rubbings amongst other fun.

By 9am all of my girls were up and I let them know that if they were dressed and davened (prayed) by 10am I would take them out for an excursion. That got things going quickly and everyone smiling.

By 11am I was showered and ready to go. They were waiting eagerly, with smiles on their faces. We had a fun trip. First we went to the paper goods store and bought new crayons, markers, oil pastels, tape, glue, notebooks, etc. They were each given a budget and a bit of direction but they got to make their own choices and it ended up being a fun lesson in math, budgeting, priorities and for me an insight into how their brains worked.

One got little fun things, one only two big things, and one refused to spend it all preferring to ask Grandma instead if she could save a good chunk of it toward the digital camera she has had her heart set on for months.

After that we went next door to the post office to try to track down my missing package. I was prepared for a big ordeal for naught. We walked in and there was no line. Standing by the clerk I could see the shelves of boxes in the back room and one, right in the middle, had my name written on it in 3" tall letters.

That certainly made finding my "missing" box pretty simple!! It was the box with my son's winter clothing, which I had been anxiously awaiting. Generally boxes take 1-2 weeks to get here, but this one left the US close to a month ago. I was beginning to wonder if it would get here.

We have also been wondering when winter would get here... so now we are prepared. The weather forecast for tomorrow says we might have some rain showers and a high of "only" 60 so the box arrived right on time.

We walked a couple stores down from the post office and got ice creams for everyone before we called a cab to go home.

By then I was flying high, happy I was able to get out and have such a fun excursion with my kids. As I put up a pot of pasta for lunch, I expressed my desire to make potato latkes with them in the evening. I had high hopes of the day continuing as it had started.

By the time my husband returned home at 4pm I more prepared to cry in exhaustion and pain in bed than peel and grate potatoes or stand by the stove frying latkes. One of the kids asked me when I was making them and I just didn't know what to say.

Then I looked on the counter and saw that food had been delivered today. It was a big tray of pasta with sauce and a second tray of home made, ready to heat and serve, potato latkes.

I don't think that a meal has ever been sent that reduced me to actual tears of gratitude before. Grateful I am always, but this was just 100% perfect.

Awake

I still feel like I could sleep for days, but it is vacation and my kids need me so I am not hibernating. Shabbos was nice. I had good quality time with the kids and I did get a nap, but it is over. Monday is sibling day at my son's school and I am supposed to be bringing my kids. Tuesday is my nephew's bris and we are all hoping to be there.

My mother asked me to get the kids gifts from her. We generally only do money and books, but she wants me to get them arts and crafts supplies to keep them busy over their vacation. If it weren't for the fact that I have to do it, it would make a lot of sense and be a help.

I still haven't managed to make potato latkes or home made donuts. I think the donuts we may well skip, since we had good bakery donuts, but if I don't go out shopping, like my mother would like, tomorrow I might be able to do latkes.

We shall see!!

I am certainly pushing it this week and starting out exhausted from last week I am just not sure how it will work. I am not sure what to do to make it more sane either.

Recovery day?

It is a bit hard to rest and recover, both from the surgery and from my day yesterday, when all of the kids are on vacation, my helper called this morning to cancel, and my husband is working. I have been needing a nap at least once a day, even with my low low key schedule. After our trip to the consulate yesterday I am desperate, but it seems it isn't meant to be.

Some how, looking at cute faces, trying to get through the crisis that one little boys can make (thank God for his doctor's cell phone number on my speed dial!), and getting ready for Shabbos I will keep my eyes open, a smile on my face and remember how blessed I am.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

The way I am feeling right now, if I close my eyes once the Shabbos candles are lit and don't manage to open them again for several days I might just be what my body needs.

Passports, donuts and more Chanukah!

Somehow, miraculously (it is that time of year!) we managed to get my son on his van and everyone out of the house in time to get to our 8:30am appointment at the US Consulate for passports. We had the forms printed and filled out, pictures done and ready and all of the documentation ready which helped the appointments B"H go smoothly.

The only hitch was I am still radioactive enough to set off their metal detectors. Flying after another treatment should be an interesting experience. I am guessing that extra time in the airport better be factored in. The consulate guards were nice about it, considering my obvious scars and my nice innocent look. The first set didn't even want to wand me, but the supervisor had them after they had told me I was fine. :) The wand declared me clean, which of course I was. Radioactive I may be, terrorist I am not!

I had another annoying run in with the Social Security agent. I went to him to take care of paperwork to get my kids payments on my SSDI claim as my dependents. He insists they each have to have their own bank account, and set me into a bit of a panic. I tried setting up bank accounts for them from here but it was not possible.

In the end I spoke with a Social Security agent over the phone who was courteous, smart and very very helpful. She pointed me to the manual and code which allows the kids payments to be put into my account, as long as they are my kids, in my care, living in my house and the money is being spent on them.

I emailed the worker from the US Consulate and oddly enough their automated email now says that they will get back to me within 10 business days, as opposed to their old automated email which said up to 5 business days. I hope the right person eventually gets and understands the email though, no matter when they decide to open it.

Speaking of opening things, and deliveries, while we were at the Consulate our driver picked up more night time diapers for my son from the person who brought them from the states for us. B"H for kind helpful people. Having diapers that work and his bed dry in the morning is a huge huge help/relief/miracle. Not needing to change his sheets, bath him, etc before he leaves the house is a huge help in the morning and not needing to remake his bed every single evening is a huge help as well.

Right around the corner from where the diapers were there is a new and exciting American style bakery which is selling some much raved about donuts. We had him pick some of those up for us as well! As usual, he was a great sport about our odd requests. I think he actually enjoyed donut shopping for us.

After lighting our Chanukah menorah tonight we had a family party. The six of us enjoyed our special donuts and chocolate milk. We gave the kids some new books as well. Books are a favorite treat here and I had to pry them away from them for bedtime, so we will likely get some vacation entertainment out of the books still!

It was a long but very happy and productive day. B"H

One candle, one month, one happy lady.

Tonight was the first night of Chanukah. We made a make your own pita pizza party at the home of a friend of mine who works near my husband's work. This way DH was able to join us during his break and we got to celebrate as a family.

It was fun. The kids were cute. It was nice getting out, seeing friends and socializing with an adult in person. Her baby is adorable. We had lots of fun making him laugh and smile. I love a smiley smooshy baby!!

I am also one whole month past my admission date for my surgery. Tomorrow I will be one month post op! It feels like it was absolutely forever ago.

I am numb, but not worse than yesterday. Mostly I am just tired enough to cry.

In the morning we go to the US Consulate for passports for the girls and to deal with Social Security. The paperwork is all filled out and ready to go and everything is together. We just need to get food together and everyone out the door by 7:30am, after getting AC on his van at 6:55am. It will be a whirlwind of a morning, but then we will have the first, and one of the more difficult, parts of our journey behind us. B"H