I haven't done much the last couple days. I have been sleeping in the mornings until the children come home. The house is less of a disaster than I would have expected, but no thanks to me.
I am tired, both physically and emotionally.
It has been almost a week since I left the house last, and that was to go to the doctor. My husband is working afternoons/evenings all week, otherwise I think I would prescribe an evening out with friends or shopping. Not only am I too exhausted to move in the mornings, it is way too hot.
I need to come up with a plan to push past the exhaustion. As much as it is physically based, productivity and activity help.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Sunday, May 30, 2010
The joys and tribulations of motherhood
There are many many joys of motherhood. B"H I am blessed with my children and the ability to appreciate them. The hugs and snuggles, kisses and laughter are the rewards for our work, worry and love.
So many loving moments come and go so pleasantly. Books are read, projects are done, songs are sung, hugs and snuggles are shared.
Then there are the times you don't forget so quickly. The ones that don't go quite as planned. As a mother of small children, these incidents can be a bit disgusting. This weekend was ripe with them. One child's diaper leaked in my lap on Friday, when I had company over, requiring me to go change my clothing. Shabbos a different child fell asleep on me, during a nice afternoon snuggle, and wet herself, and me.
Not the typical end to a Shabbos nap, but one neither of us will forget for a while.
Memories aren't usually made when things go smoothly. It is the odd occurrence, the super special happening or the disasters the stick in our mind.
Motherhood is generally comprised of all of the above.
So many loving moments come and go so pleasantly. Books are read, projects are done, songs are sung, hugs and snuggles are shared.
Then there are the times you don't forget so quickly. The ones that don't go quite as planned. As a mother of small children, these incidents can be a bit disgusting. This weekend was ripe with them. One child's diaper leaked in my lap on Friday, when I had company over, requiring me to go change my clothing. Shabbos a different child fell asleep on me, during a nice afternoon snuggle, and wet herself, and me.
Not the typical end to a Shabbos nap, but one neither of us will forget for a while.
Memories aren't usually made when things go smoothly. It is the odd occurrence, the super special happening or the disasters the stick in our mind.
Motherhood is generally comprised of all of the above.
Friday, May 28, 2010
Hello Mikimi!
My friend came over to visit this morning. She lives up north but was in town to help out a woman who just had a baby and took some time off to come visit.
It was very nice. We chatted and she got to meet my son (she had already met the girls) and help me with my leftover cheesecake. I am very glad she came.
Now we are in the process of cleaning up for Shabbos. The wonderful weather is pulling the kids outside, which is both great for keeping the house neater and an issue in terms of getting their jobs done. Like many things in life it evens out.
It was very nice. We chatted and she got to meet my son (she had already met the girls) and help me with my leftover cheesecake. I am very glad she came.
Now we are in the process of cleaning up for Shabbos. The wonderful weather is pulling the kids outside, which is both great for keeping the house neater and an issue in terms of getting their jobs done. Like many things in life it evens out.
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Phone strings with no cords attached
My cell phone stopped charging a couple days ago, two weeks after my husband's phone stopped charging. The battery has been totally dead and with no way of recharging it I have been phone free.
There was a time when being unattached, unreachable and disconnected felt good. It was freeing. I could just concentrate on here and now. It doesn't feel that way any more. I need to know my kids are okay. The ability to get in touch with others and for others to be able to be in touch with me, when they need to, is a comfort.
For a day I thought that we just wouldn't buy new phones. I thought that the freedom would be good, until I tried it.
After the first day I had my husband go to a store and see about buying new phones but the cost was more than I was willing to pay. The same phones without the internet and games disabled cost a fraction of the cost and that ticked me off.
We spent another day cell phone free, then our home phone stopped working. It is a VOIP phone, so it relies on the internet being up to work. When we switched from a regular land line to a voip phone line I knew it would be less reliable, but I was okay with it since we both had cell phones. The savings was worth the occasional inconvenience.
With no cell phone it was another story though.
Once we had phone service I called and ordered new cell phones. They arrived today. B"H we have working phones again. I can call and ask my husband to pick up something from the store when he is on break, find out when he is on his way home, receive my doctors phone calls no matter where I am and know that if there is a problem when I am not at home, someone can reach me.
For many years we didn't have cellphones and were happy that way. Times have changed. Now my working phone is cause for celebration.
There was a time when being unattached, unreachable and disconnected felt good. It was freeing. I could just concentrate on here and now. It doesn't feel that way any more. I need to know my kids are okay. The ability to get in touch with others and for others to be able to be in touch with me, when they need to, is a comfort.
For a day I thought that we just wouldn't buy new phones. I thought that the freedom would be good, until I tried it.
After the first day I had my husband go to a store and see about buying new phones but the cost was more than I was willing to pay. The same phones without the internet and games disabled cost a fraction of the cost and that ticked me off.
We spent another day cell phone free, then our home phone stopped working. It is a VOIP phone, so it relies on the internet being up to work. When we switched from a regular land line to a voip phone line I knew it would be less reliable, but I was okay with it since we both had cell phones. The savings was worth the occasional inconvenience.
With no cell phone it was another story though.
Once we had phone service I called and ordered new cell phones. They arrived today. B"H we have working phones again. I can call and ask my husband to pick up something from the store when he is on break, find out when he is on his way home, receive my doctors phone calls no matter where I am and know that if there is a problem when I am not at home, someone can reach me.
For many years we didn't have cellphones and were happy that way. Times have changed. Now my working phone is cause for celebration.
Good night
It was a good day, though a long day, and I am exhausted. I am just checking in to say good night.
I don't have much to report. My day was fine B"H. It wasn't exciting or full of accomplishments, but that is okay.
Sleep well.
I don't have much to report. My day was fine B"H. It wasn't exciting or full of accomplishments, but that is okay.
Sleep well.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Eclairs and smiles
I am still numb and exhausted, but I finished a project that I started Sunday. I had decided to make eclairs for my friends, who I am meeting up with IY"H on Wednesday.
I had the chocolate frosting and the filling made and today I made the pastries and put them together. They are in the freezer evading temptation now.
It is funny, the more I manage to do the more I dream. Many things I want to make but fear starting, since they can't be made over the course of several days. Bagels are on my dream list, but they can only be made when I will have energy from start to finish. They don't have a pause button.
Pickles on the other hand are a regular project here. They take 3 minutes of effort and look like they took all day. Most of the work is the waiting, and that I am good at. The children love them, which keeps me in business and all of us smiling.
One of my kids asked me today, when I would make burritos again. As opposed to my three minute pickles, burritos are a three day project. They start with washing and soaking beans, then cooking the beans and finally making the tortillas and filling them. I am not even dreaming of burritos at this point.
My kids will have to be happy with eclairs and pickles and leave the dreaming up to me.
I had the chocolate frosting and the filling made and today I made the pastries and put them together. They are in the freezer evading temptation now.
It is funny, the more I manage to do the more I dream. Many things I want to make but fear starting, since they can't be made over the course of several days. Bagels are on my dream list, but they can only be made when I will have energy from start to finish. They don't have a pause button.
Pickles on the other hand are a regular project here. They take 3 minutes of effort and look like they took all day. Most of the work is the waiting, and that I am good at. The children love them, which keeps me in business and all of us smiling.
One of my kids asked me today, when I would make burritos again. As opposed to my three minute pickles, burritos are a three day project. They start with washing and soaking beans, then cooking the beans and finally making the tortillas and filling them. I am not even dreaming of burritos at this point.
My kids will have to be happy with eclairs and pickles and leave the dreaming up to me.
Monday, May 24, 2010
My pillow is calling my name
The last two nights were a bit rough. The days weren't bad, but the muscle cramps and tingling weren't letting me sleep. I don't always make great decisions when I am exhausted, so despite my body's obvious signs I finally fell asleep at 8am yesterday. I slept from 8 until after 10am. At my doctor's office the last pickup for the lab is 10am, so that was that. The only other option for blood tests was the ER, and we all know how I feel about the hospital, right?
This morning I got up and went. This evening I got IV instead of going to my daughter's dance recital. My younger daughter went and we are buying the CD of the performance, but I still feel incredibly guilty. The performance was at 6pm on one side of the city and the only doctor's appointment I could get was 6:30pm on the other. I tried, but it didn't work out.
My daughter understands, or at least seemed to, but that doesn't make me feel better.
I made her an eclair when she got home, to celebrate her performance. It made me feel a tad bit better. I am not sure how she is really feeling. Adolescents emotions aren't easy to read.
Being a mother isn't easy. Having to make this kind of choice really stinks. Frosting on the cake, I am numb again. The IV helped for a couple hours, but I am feeling way too close to how I felt before the IV now, four hours later.
Either way, sleeping or crying, I will be spending some time with my pillow tonight.
This morning I got up and went. This evening I got IV instead of going to my daughter's dance recital. My younger daughter went and we are buying the CD of the performance, but I still feel incredibly guilty. The performance was at 6pm on one side of the city and the only doctor's appointment I could get was 6:30pm on the other. I tried, but it didn't work out.
My daughter understands, or at least seemed to, but that doesn't make me feel better.
I made her an eclair when she got home, to celebrate her performance. It made me feel a tad bit better. I am not sure how she is really feeling. Adolescents emotions aren't easy to read.
Being a mother isn't easy. Having to make this kind of choice really stinks. Frosting on the cake, I am numb again. The IV helped for a couple hours, but I am feeling way too close to how I felt before the IV now, four hours later.
Either way, sleeping or crying, I will be spending some time with my pillow tonight.
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Party is over
The numbness is back.
It was great while it lasted and I have hope that I will be feeling better again soon.
I had plans to go out tomorrow evening and had dreams of baking in the morning as well. I am not canceling yet, but I am worried I might need to.
My last couple days were nice. The kids did a great job cleaning up and getting ready for Shabbos, after school, on Friday. The day went well and we ushered Shabbos in very peacefully. Shabbos itself was a pleasure.
B"H I am enjoying my life, my children, and my husband.
It was great while it lasted and I have hope that I will be feeling better again soon.
I had plans to go out tomorrow evening and had dreams of baking in the morning as well. I am not canceling yet, but I am worried I might need to.
My last couple days were nice. The kids did a great job cleaning up and getting ready for Shabbos, after school, on Friday. The day went well and we ushered Shabbos in very peacefully. Shabbos itself was a pleasure.
B"H I am enjoying my life, my children, and my husband.
Thursday, May 20, 2010
What a mess
My husband was working all morning, my kids were playing, I was too tired to be on top of them to clean up. It looks like a whirlwind hit.
They made some great projects with stencils. They built some structures, cut out lots of shapes from paper and enjoyed themselves.
Tomorrow they go back to school, my husband goes to work and the mess remains.
It is obvious that there were some happy children here today. I am certainly not upset about that. I just wish it was obvious that their parents had taught them to clean up after themselves.
Tomorrow evening is Shabbos and the house needs to be in order. I hope by then everyone is ready to pitch in and help.
They made some great projects with stencils. They built some structures, cut out lots of shapes from paper and enjoyed themselves.
Tomorrow they go back to school, my husband goes to work and the mess remains.
It is obvious that there were some happy children here today. I am certainly not upset about that. I just wish it was obvious that their parents had taught them to clean up after themselves.
Tomorrow evening is Shabbos and the house needs to be in order. I hope by then everyone is ready to pitch in and help.
Wow, what a great holiday!
I didn't post before the holiday. I was too busy cooking and cleaning, plus the children were all home and we were enjoying our time together.
We made the most delicious eclairs. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/eclairs-ii/detail.aspx It was a fun project. Though the clean up was more than most deserts I make, they were well worth it.
Much of our holiday food was sent over by friends of mine and it was wonderful. I made made the challah and chicken soup we had with out night meals, but the kuggels, salads, fish, and chicken were sent by friends. In the morning we had dairy dishes, all of which I made over the last week and a half. We had blintzes (both cheese and potato), two kinds of cheese cake, and eclairs. For lunch we had, challah, sushi, more of the kuggles and roast (which was sent) as well as vegetables that I cooked under the roast when I reheated it. It was a feast fit for a king.
The funny thing is, none of my kids liked the sushi. Three pealed the nori off of a piece and ate some of the rice, and one smelled it and gave it back. My husband and I ended up with most of it for ourselves. As much as I enjoy sushi and want to learn how to make it, I wish at least one of the kids would enjoy it to help me justify making it more often. I guess I will have to find some friends to share with instead.
Tomorrow the kids are off again, and my husband is working. I need to brainstorm some activities to keep them entertained. B"H the heat wave broke so it is nice out again. The week it was in the high 90s the park was out of the question. Maybe tomorrow.
B"H I remain quite stable. I am a bit more tingly today, but with all of the activity Tuesday that is no surprise. It is actually a lot less than I would have anticipated. Seven weeks ago the week that I had would have certainly had me in for IV, but now I am feeling relatively okay!! Miracles happen.
We made the most delicious eclairs. http://allrecipes.com/recipe/eclairs-ii/detail.aspx It was a fun project. Though the clean up was more than most deserts I make, they were well worth it.
Much of our holiday food was sent over by friends of mine and it was wonderful. I made made the challah and chicken soup we had with out night meals, but the kuggels, salads, fish, and chicken were sent by friends. In the morning we had dairy dishes, all of which I made over the last week and a half. We had blintzes (both cheese and potato), two kinds of cheese cake, and eclairs. For lunch we had, challah, sushi, more of the kuggles and roast (which was sent) as well as vegetables that I cooked under the roast when I reheated it. It was a feast fit for a king.
The funny thing is, none of my kids liked the sushi. Three pealed the nori off of a piece and ate some of the rice, and one smelled it and gave it back. My husband and I ended up with most of it for ourselves. As much as I enjoy sushi and want to learn how to make it, I wish at least one of the kids would enjoy it to help me justify making it more often. I guess I will have to find some friends to share with instead.
Tomorrow the kids are off again, and my husband is working. I need to brainstorm some activities to keep them entertained. B"H the heat wave broke so it is nice out again. The week it was in the high 90s the park was out of the question. Maybe tomorrow.
B"H I remain quite stable. I am a bit more tingly today, but with all of the activity Tuesday that is no surprise. It is actually a lot less than I would have anticipated. Seven weeks ago the week that I had would have certainly had me in for IV, but now I am feeling relatively okay!! Miracles happen.
Monday, May 17, 2010
B"H great news!
I rarely have blood test results that are a relief, but today I did!
My calcium level is the very bottom of the normal range, which is incredible. Within normal is great and at this level I am usually numb, tingly and twitchy but I am not. Maybe my body is getting used to the lower calcium levels? I guess time will tell! For now I am celebrating.
I got some baking done today and made a lot of mess in the process. Challah is made as well as cheese cake and cinnamon rolls. Tomorrow I have to bring one of my children to the doctor and do quite a bit of kitchen cleanup.
Today was the last day of school before Shavous so everyone is home the next three days. I am looking forward to it!
My calcium level is the very bottom of the normal range, which is incredible. Within normal is great and at this level I am usually numb, tingly and twitchy but I am not. Maybe my body is getting used to the lower calcium levels? I guess time will tell! For now I am celebrating.
I got some baking done today and made a lot of mess in the process. Challah is made as well as cheese cake and cinnamon rolls. Tomorrow I have to bring one of my children to the doctor and do quite a bit of kitchen cleanup.
Today was the last day of school before Shavous so everyone is home the next three days. I am looking forward to it!
Another lovely day
My computer froze and deleted my first try at today's update.
It was a good day though. I didn't get much done because of the exhaustion, but I am still appreciating my sense of touch. It is wonderful not to be numb and tingly.
I had hoped to get challah made but I didn't have sifted flour and my husband (who has sifted all my flour since my surgery last year) was working and didn't manage to sift before he left. That means tomorrow I need to go for blood tests and then make challah and cheese cake. One of my kids asked for cinnamon rolls, which I can make from some of the challah dough. I just have to remember not to braid it all.
It if a funny holiday. All of the possible dairy dishes are so incredibly tempting. Every time a friend mentions the delicacies they are making I have to work hard not to mentally add them to my too do list. So far I am not making chocolate eclairs, cheese kuggle, fried mozzarella sticks, among many other dairy temptations. I am collecting recipes for when I am feeling better next year though.
It was a good day though. I didn't get much done because of the exhaustion, but I am still appreciating my sense of touch. It is wonderful not to be numb and tingly.
I had hoped to get challah made but I didn't have sifted flour and my husband (who has sifted all my flour since my surgery last year) was working and didn't manage to sift before he left. That means tomorrow I need to go for blood tests and then make challah and cheese cake. One of my kids asked for cinnamon rolls, which I can make from some of the challah dough. I just have to remember not to braid it all.
It if a funny holiday. All of the possible dairy dishes are so incredibly tempting. Every time a friend mentions the delicacies they are making I have to work hard not to mentally add them to my too do list. So far I am not making chocolate eclairs, cheese kuggle, fried mozzarella sticks, among many other dairy temptations. I am collecting recipes for when I am feeling better next year though.
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Wonderful
I am happy to say, that I feel okay. I am tired, exhausted even, but the numbness and tingling remain at bay. This is incredible.
I am a bit worried that my calcium has gotten too high, but not worried enough that I have gone for blood work to check and see. I have been having headaches and other signs that could be from high calcium levels, but I feel much better now than I do when I am low. If it wasn't so dangerous to be high I would never check.
I continue to doing what I can, which feels good. I made cheesecake Friday. Tomorrow I hope to make challah. If I continue to be okay I should be able to make the special foods I have been dreaming of making for Shavous.
I am a bit worried that my calcium has gotten too high, but not worried enough that I have gone for blood work to check and see. I have been having headaches and other signs that could be from high calcium levels, but I feel much better now than I do when I am low. If it wasn't so dangerous to be high I would never check.
I continue to doing what I can, which feels good. I made cheesecake Friday. Tomorrow I hope to make challah. If I continue to be okay I should be able to make the special foods I have been dreaming of making for Shavous.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Weeks like this I start to wonder
if things are really okay.
Today I napped in the morning, which seems to make a huge difference in the way I feel and my ability to function. I made mashed potatoes for the potato blintzes and mixing up cheese for the cheese blintzes in the afternoon and turned all of the crepes into blintzes. It feels good to have something in the freezer, ready for Shavuos.
I am not terribly numb, tingly or having many muscle cramps. I am exhausted, but doing okay.
It is really rare that the IV calcium helps for this long. The last IV was Sunday, so it has been most of a week! I am starting to have hope that feeling reasonably well will continue. I could happily live this way. I am not doing any where near as well as I was a year ago. On a good day I am functioning at about twenty percent of my previous capacity, but twenty percent is something and I am happy to be there.
Today I napped in the morning, which seems to make a huge difference in the way I feel and my ability to function. I made mashed potatoes for the potato blintzes and mixing up cheese for the cheese blintzes in the afternoon and turned all of the crepes into blintzes. It feels good to have something in the freezer, ready for Shavuos.
I am not terribly numb, tingly or having many muscle cramps. I am exhausted, but doing okay.
It is really rare that the IV calcium helps for this long. The last IV was Sunday, so it has been most of a week! I am starting to have hope that feeling reasonably well will continue. I could happily live this way. I am not doing any where near as well as I was a year ago. On a good day I am functioning at about twenty percent of my previous capacity, but twenty percent is something and I am happy to be there.
Two in a row!!
I am liking this trend. Today was another good day B"H.
The kids and I made crepes today and IY"H I will make them into blintzes tomorrow. We ended up with a lot of cucumbers from a neighbor and made more pickles. I got a nap.
I spent the day looking for good blintz filling and cheese cake recipes, using Israeli ingredients. I think I found a good cheese cake recipe and am going to make the blintz filling with a cottage cheese base. The kids like potato blintzes more than cheese, so we will be making some of those as well IY"H.
It was cooler outside today, so we were able to turn off the air conditioning and open the windows. B"H another thing to be happy about.
The kids and I made crepes today and IY"H I will make them into blintzes tomorrow. We ended up with a lot of cucumbers from a neighbor and made more pickles. I got a nap.
I spent the day looking for good blintz filling and cheese cake recipes, using Israeli ingredients. I think I found a good cheese cake recipe and am going to make the blintz filling with a cottage cheese base. The kids like potato blintzes more than cheese, so we will be making some of those as well IY"H.
It was cooler outside today, so we were able to turn off the air conditioning and open the windows. B"H another thing to be happy about.
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
And a Good Day.
My cleaning lady came this morning but there was no water because of a water main break so she left (and will hopefully come back tomorrow) and I was able to go back to sleep B"H. It was exactly what I needed. Getting out may boost my spirits but exhaustion from getting out makes it harder to keep my smile on.
My afternoon was full or pickle making, cleaning out the fridge, laundry, reading lots of books with my little ones, smiles, and happiness. My evening was spent at parent teacher conferences where I was proud that I was the mommy.
I feel much much better. B"H yom yom.
My afternoon was full or pickle making, cleaning out the fridge, laundry, reading lots of books with my little ones, smiles, and happiness. My evening was spent at parent teacher conferences where I was proud that I was the mommy.
I feel much much better. B"H yom yom.
Good night
Today was a blur. I slept in the morning, was hot and grumpy in the afternoon. I didn't accomplish anything or go anywhere.
My husband was home, on one of his very rare days off, so he took care of the kids and heated up lunch. If you ask him, I was resting.
I like to have something to show for my day, some little accomplishment. When I started posting this I though I would be going to sleep without that.
On deeper examination, and after much thought I realize I was there. I snuggled one little boy when he got home, hot and sweaty, fixed my daughter's ponytail, and okayed freeze pop consumption for them all.
I also pushed them all to clean up, was frustrated that most of the sun hats were missing in action, and got upset when it was well after bedtime and they were still talking.
It wasn't my best day. Hopefully tomorrow there will be more cuddling and loving and less upset. This wasn't the kind of day that I would be happy having for my last.
My husband was home, on one of his very rare days off, so he took care of the kids and heated up lunch. If you ask him, I was resting.
I like to have something to show for my day, some little accomplishment. When I started posting this I though I would be going to sleep without that.
On deeper examination, and after much thought I realize I was there. I snuggled one little boy when he got home, hot and sweaty, fixed my daughter's ponytail, and okayed freeze pop consumption for them all.
I also pushed them all to clean up, was frustrated that most of the sun hats were missing in action, and got upset when it was well after bedtime and they were still talking.
It wasn't my best day. Hopefully tomorrow there will be more cuddling and loving and less upset. This wasn't the kind of day that I would be happy having for my last.
Monday, May 10, 2010
Down and then Up.
My calcium was way down, as my body was telling me, but B"H blood test results were in by two pm. I muddled through my errands in the morning, feeling worse and worse as the day went on. I left for my doctor's appointment as soon as my husband got home and got my IV in time to catch the bus and meet up with my friends.
Getting out was exactly what I needed. B"H I feel much better. I think getting out with friends was as much of a boost as the calcium was. Though I couldn't have gone out without the IV, going somewhere other than the doctor's office was the best possible medicine for my spirit.
B"H the day ended with me feeling much much better than when it started.
Getting out was exactly what I needed. B"H I feel much better. I think getting out with friends was as much of a boost as the calcium was. Though I couldn't have gone out without the IV, going somewhere other than the doctor's office was the best possible medicine for my spirit.
B"H the day ended with me feeling much much better than when it started.
Saturday, May 8, 2010
Shabbos was great B"H
We had wonderful company, three seminary girls who were great conversationalists, helped out and were wonderful with the kids.
Tomorrow I will be going for blood work, going to the post office and bank and hopefully going for IV calcium not too late in the day. I was supposed to get together with some friends in the evening but have a strong suspicion that I won't be ready to leave on time.
Truth be told, I am not up for going unless I get the IV anyway. Even sitting in my recliner my legs are numb, forget any other chair. My whole face, inside my mouth and arms are numb as well. I don't feel well.
I am so tired of my sickness running my life.
Tomorrow I will be going for blood work, going to the post office and bank and hopefully going for IV calcium not too late in the day. I was supposed to get together with some friends in the evening but have a strong suspicion that I won't be ready to leave on time.
Truth be told, I am not up for going unless I get the IV anyway. Even sitting in my recliner my legs are numb, forget any other chair. My whole face, inside my mouth and arms are numb as well. I don't feel well.
I am so tired of my sickness running my life.
Friday, May 7, 2010
Commitment was a bad idea
We have company coming for Shabbos. Three sweet girls are coming. I am too tired to clean up AC's room for them. The cooking is done, but it is hard to see that I spent so much energy just yesterday cleaning.
I am embarrassed to have people coming over.
I am numb and so tired that I can barely even move to type.
I am embarrassed to have people coming over.
I am numb and so tired that I can barely even move to type.
Thursday, May 6, 2010
Low but not too low
My calcium was low, but not quite low enough for IV this morning. I was numb, but obviously not numb enough since I spent the day accomplishing things instead of resting. I ended up without my helper (again) this week. I had a big backup of dishes and pots to wash, laundry to take care of and organizing to do.
B"H I managed to get the dishes done and some of the laundry folded. I also finally made the barbecue that we had promised the kids earlier in the week and bought charcoal and defrosted meat for. It had to happen, or the meat was going to waste, so though my energy was zapped I did it. It felt great to have such a full and productive day but I am totally numb and my muscles are cramping now.
There is no bloodwork until Sunday, so we will be riding my stupidity out. Hopefully with a smile since I know I came by it honestly. I spent the day pretending I was okay. It was a nice fantasy. I wish it was real.
B"H I managed to get the dishes done and some of the laundry folded. I also finally made the barbecue that we had promised the kids earlier in the week and bought charcoal and defrosted meat for. It had to happen, or the meat was going to waste, so though my energy was zapped I did it. It felt great to have such a full and productive day but I am totally numb and my muscles are cramping now.
There is no bloodwork until Sunday, so we will be riding my stupidity out. Hopefully with a smile since I know I came by it honestly. I spent the day pretending I was okay. It was a nice fantasy. I wish it was real.
A day at home is a good day.
I love being home.
I slept this morning which was wonderful and much needed. I haven't been sleeping well at all.
The day only got better when the kids got home. They came home happy and ate lunch nicely with no complaints. They showed their love for each other, played nicely and spent the day snacking on the pickles I made yesterday.
They finished three liters (3/4 of a gallon) worth of pickles in one day. The new recipe was really good, better than the old recipe which was good as well. After homework was done my kids went to the store across the street to buy more cucumbers. I think they had high pickle hopes.
Supper time I had more strength than I have had in a while so everyone was treated to fresh pancakes and syrup.
The kids went to sleep happily. I am tired, but happy. I realized that any day that I don't have to leave my home is a happy one. The exhaustion from going out makes the day much longer and my home is such a pleasant place. I like to be here.
In the days before I got sick I rarely left my home. Now I have to go out for doctors visits and lab tests, multiple times a week. I always liked being home, but now I really appreciate it.
I slept this morning which was wonderful and much needed. I haven't been sleeping well at all.
The day only got better when the kids got home. They came home happy and ate lunch nicely with no complaints. They showed their love for each other, played nicely and spent the day snacking on the pickles I made yesterday.
They finished three liters (3/4 of a gallon) worth of pickles in one day. The new recipe was really good, better than the old recipe which was good as well. After homework was done my kids went to the store across the street to buy more cucumbers. I think they had high pickle hopes.
Supper time I had more strength than I have had in a while so everyone was treated to fresh pancakes and syrup.
The kids went to sleep happily. I am tired, but happy. I realized that any day that I don't have to leave my home is a happy one. The exhaustion from going out makes the day much longer and my home is such a pleasant place. I like to be here.
In the days before I got sick I rarely left my home. Now I have to go out for doctors visits and lab tests, multiple times a week. I always liked being home, but now I really appreciate it.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Post two for today. I am back again!!
B"H today was not all bad. It wasn't even half bad. I had my period of upset, but I am feeling calm again.
I am sore and tired, but I had a productive day. I reorganized a closet, made another batch of pickles (the first ones were eaten and I had a new recipe to try) and had a great day with my kids. My husband got one of the (five) freezer drawers cleaned out. I organized and my cleaning lady did the heavy cleaning and we B"H ended up with a house that I can live in happily.
The kids had friends over and everyone played nicely until bedtime. I had some wonderful opportunities for hugs and snuggles. I cuddled my little ones and read to them, but I was also astounded at how much they have grown up, how independent they have gotten and how much I both love and appreciate them.
Outside of the one glitch, which was in HaShem's plans even if it wasn't in mine, it was an extraordinarily wonderful day.
I am sore and tired, but I had a productive day. I reorganized a closet, made another batch of pickles (the first ones were eaten and I had a new recipe to try) and had a great day with my kids. My husband got one of the (five) freezer drawers cleaned out. I organized and my cleaning lady did the heavy cleaning and we B"H ended up with a house that I can live in happily.
The kids had friends over and everyone played nicely until bedtime. I had some wonderful opportunities for hugs and snuggles. I cuddled my little ones and read to them, but I was also astounded at how much they have grown up, how independent they have gotten and how much I both love and appreciate them.
Outside of the one glitch, which was in HaShem's plans even if it wasn't in mine, it was an extraordinarily wonderful day.
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
I am upset and frustrated
HaShem is in charge.
It is all in for the best. It is all in His hands.
HaShem is in charge.
I just got a phone call from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy on May 11th was canceled. They wanted me to see a different doctor, who had never examined my neck, never been given his name as a doctor to use (I was told only to use my doctor or one other), and told me if I didn't take that appointment the next one was in November.
I didn't cry, but I was not happy and I let her know. This is not cool.
I was scheduled for the biopsy on the 11th of May and RAI was booked for the 23rd of May. It was scheduled three months ago so we would be ready to go if we needed to after the biopsy. It is a 2-3 month wait to get the RAI isolation room.
So after I pushed, got upset, told the scheduler this wasn't okay, they managed to get me in with my radiologist on June 15th. I am supposed to smile since it isn't November like she originally told me. At this point it probably makes sense to cancel the radiation and reschedule it, if we have to, after the June ultrasound and biopsy.
I should call my oncologist and let her know what is going on.
Sigh.
Man plans, God laughs.
I know this is for my good, but I was already getting worried about the biopsy, already got insurance approval (which is only good for a month) and already found a friend to go with me.
The doctor had said to come back in three months, now it will be four. What if it is growing?
I would cry if the kids weren't here. Not because I don't know it is good, I know it is, but I am upset anyway. The waiting, the wondering, cancer, I despise it all.
It is all in for the best. It is all in His hands.
HaShem is in charge.
I just got a phone call from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy on May 11th was canceled. They wanted me to see a different doctor, who had never examined my neck, never been given his name as a doctor to use (I was told only to use my doctor or one other), and told me if I didn't take that appointment the next one was in November.
I didn't cry, but I was not happy and I let her know. This is not cool.
I was scheduled for the biopsy on the 11th of May and RAI was booked for the 23rd of May. It was scheduled three months ago so we would be ready to go if we needed to after the biopsy. It is a 2-3 month wait to get the RAI isolation room.
So after I pushed, got upset, told the scheduler this wasn't okay, they managed to get me in with my radiologist on June 15th. I am supposed to smile since it isn't November like she originally told me. At this point it probably makes sense to cancel the radiation and reschedule it, if we have to, after the June ultrasound and biopsy.
I should call my oncologist and let her know what is going on.
Sigh.
Man plans, God laughs.
I know this is for my good, but I was already getting worried about the biopsy, already got insurance approval (which is only good for a month) and already found a friend to go with me.
The doctor had said to come back in three months, now it will be four. What if it is growing?
I would cry if the kids weren't here. Not because I don't know it is good, I know it is, but I am upset anyway. The waiting, the wondering, cancer, I despise it all.
Acupuncture day
It wasn't as torturous this week as it was last week but it was still far from pleasant. I hate needles. It hurts. It helped the numbness in my shoulder this week though. He asked me to keep track of how long it helps for, as the previous times it didn't last even close to the whole week.
I bought basil and mint plants and planted them in a planter by my kitchen window. Now we have herbs and cacti, including the all important aloe, out there. When we moved here, almost five years ago, I had a hard time leaving all of my plants behind. My huge and handy aloe, my favorite jade plant and my cyclamen were all given away before we took off. It took me almost five years to figure out where to put plants here, find a place to buy good potting soil and start planting.
We are definitely at home now.
The freezer didn't get taken care of yet. It is refrozen which took care of the smell. My husband says he will do it and I will wait until he has the time. I will stick with the pleasant smelling foliage.
I bought basil and mint plants and planted them in a planter by my kitchen window. Now we have herbs and cacti, including the all important aloe, out there. When we moved here, almost five years ago, I had a hard time leaving all of my plants behind. My huge and handy aloe, my favorite jade plant and my cyclamen were all given away before we took off. It took me almost five years to figure out where to put plants here, find a place to buy good potting soil and start planting.
We are definitely at home now.
The freezer didn't get taken care of yet. It is refrozen which took care of the smell. My husband says he will do it and I will wait until he has the time. I will stick with the pleasant smelling foliage.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Oh no!!
My spare freezer, the one that lives on the third floor in the kids playroom, got unplugged. The plug was knocked half way out and it wasn't running for goodness knows how long. I don't go up there often, my husband only slightly more frequently and my children don't notice such things.
They don't even notice such things when they start to leak and smell.
The food is rotten and the mess is disgusting beyond imagination. Once it was opened the stench was strong. There are no windows on the third floor.
My first reaction was to have my husband turn it back on and freeze it all so it won't smell as much. It still needs to be dealt with though.
Why can children not smell or notice this kind of thing? My husband knew there was a problem as soon as he got to the top landing, and the children had been up there all morning, the day before and the day before that.
Ooof. 9 packages of soy free hotdogs imported from America, a drawer full of chicken, another full of home made soups as well as hamburger and ground turkey, all rotted.
I am not crying over the loss, but the mess and the smell may cause me to cry as we work on getting it cleaned up over the next couple days.
They don't even notice such things when they start to leak and smell.
The food is rotten and the mess is disgusting beyond imagination. Once it was opened the stench was strong. There are no windows on the third floor.
My first reaction was to have my husband turn it back on and freeze it all so it won't smell as much. It still needs to be dealt with though.
Why can children not smell or notice this kind of thing? My husband knew there was a problem as soon as he got to the top landing, and the children had been up there all morning, the day before and the day before that.
Ooof. 9 packages of soy free hotdogs imported from America, a drawer full of chicken, another full of home made soups as well as hamburger and ground turkey, all rotted.
I am not crying over the loss, but the mess and the smell may cause me to cry as we work on getting it cleaned up over the next couple days.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
I won't complain
I am not going to complain, not because I can't, but because I don't want to.
Shabbos was very nice. We had good food, good company, and everyone was happy. Friday my husband bought the kids treats (potato chips and fancy lollipops) which he gave them Shabbos afternoon. My oldest slept the latest she has in her life (I am starting to wonder if her bed isn't just a tad too comfortable now) and the kids all stayed up happily for the Lag B'Omer bonfire after Shabbos.
The weather was odd. It was raining off and on, which doesn't generally happen here this time of year. The rainy season should have been long past. We need rain, so it is a good thing, just bizarre.
There was plenty of time when the sky was clear and the temperature was pleasant so the children spent a lot of time outside playing. We had the windows open and there was a nice breeze.
I have a lot to be grateful for.
Shabbos was very nice. We had good food, good company, and everyone was happy. Friday my husband bought the kids treats (potato chips and fancy lollipops) which he gave them Shabbos afternoon. My oldest slept the latest she has in her life (I am starting to wonder if her bed isn't just a tad too comfortable now) and the kids all stayed up happily for the Lag B'Omer bonfire after Shabbos.
The weather was odd. It was raining off and on, which doesn't generally happen here this time of year. The rainy season should have been long past. We need rain, so it is a good thing, just bizarre.
There was plenty of time when the sky was clear and the temperature was pleasant so the children spent a lot of time outside playing. We had the windows open and there was a nice breeze.
I have a lot to be grateful for.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
