Last day of school!

My big girls came home early with report cards that made me proud today. Their teachers had glowing things to say which actually made up for my quiet morning being cut short.

I am moving slowly and feeling not great, but moving and getting things done none the less. The house is a disaster (the last day of school comes with bags of stuff and one of the toy cabinet shelves lost a support and tipped the toys into the floor) but lunch was good and everyone is happy.

I got several thank you phone calls about the chocolate. I am glad we did it.

Camp starts tomorrow for my youngest daughter and school continues as regular for my son for several more weeks. Somehow I need to convince the big girls that tomorrow is a helping and accomplishing day. I am not above bribing them, but I need to figure out what motivator to offer.

All in all, it has been a good week and I am very very happy. I am happy enough to smile even while wishing for toothpicks to keep my eyes open.

Is it really only Tuesday?

Today was a fast day. I can't fast for medical reasons, but my oldest daughter was fasting for the first time. She did quite well. I expected it to be a lot harder on both of us. A couple times I strongly suggested she go nap, but she didn't complain or start counting down the hours until 6pm, and the fast was over at 8:20pm.

This evening my husband and I had a fun project. We printed pictures of the children and thank you notes and covered chocolate bars to send into school for the teachers, aids, therapists, etc tomorrow. We made 20 and need to buy more chocolate bars before we can continue the project.



They aren't professional looking or incredibly fancy, but it was a fun project and it is good chocolate. My hope is that the thought and the taste make up for the lack of gloss.

Here today gan tomorrow

Actually I was at my son's gan (preschool) end of the year party this morning. Their performance was adorable. "Mine" is the one on the far left. They sang together, did solos, hand motions, and put on quite the performance for the mothers. They have all come so far and it is obvious that the teachers love the children and see all of their potential. They are helping them all strive and grow, physically and emotionally. I am sure I wasn't the only one who needed a tissue to dry my eyes during their performance.

I had to leave early to get to my oncologist appointment. Changing an oncologist appointment is not possible. The appointment was made six months ago and I had to be there.

Of course I thought I had to be there on time as well. I left the party early so I could sit an hour and forty five minutes waiting to see the doctor. The appointment was quick and easy. More ultrasounds planned. More blood tests requested. If anything comes back funny call oncology and come back, otherwise I am free from that wait for another six months!

What a day!

As I was walking out of the house, at 9am, to go to my nephew's bris this morning the phone rang. It was a neighbor and she specifically asked me to come to her son's bar mitzvah celebration tonight. Not only was my husband working and I hadn't arranged a babysitter, I never saw the invitation. My husband got it and put it on the fridge. B"H it is the season of celebration so my fridge has been plastered for a while, to the point that I don't notice the invitations any more.

The bris was B"H very nice, but it involved quite a bit of walking and standing. The seuda (celebratory meal) was not in the same location as the ceremony and everything was up and down a fair share of stairs. It was totally worth it though. Everything was done nicely and tastefully and the baby was very cute.

From the bris I went to my doctor, got some paperwork taken care of for my appointment tomorrow, refilled some prescriptions and spoke with her for a bit about my disability paperwork for my US disability which we are working on.

By the time I got home it was almost 1pm. My head and ankle were throbbing but my kids were walking in the door momentarily and had to be fed. Husband came to the rescue with leftovers from the fridge and cake that he had been sent home with from the bris. The cake went over a lot better than the leftover fish, but at least we tried to feed them healthy food, right?

I tried to get at least the little kids to lie down with me so I could rest my eyes, head and foot, but that didn't last long. I ended up spending the better part of the afternoon trying to find a babysitter for this evening and had about given up when I got a cryptic phone call that there is likely to be a family simcha (celebration) tomorrow night. It seems one of my brother in laws may be getting engaged. They were calling so I could work on getting a babysitter.

I wasn't sure if I should laugh or cry.

In the end laughing was the right answer. I called one of the people who hadn't been home earlier and got through, and she was available for this evening. As of now I am still without a babysitter for tomorrow, but trying got me the babysitter I needed now.

Hashem takes care of us in His own way. I was totally done making phone calls for tonight. I was not going. I am glad I did though!

Argh, I am sick.

Another nasty stomach virus hit this morning or I am at the beginning of another Crohn's flare up.

Sigh.

I am working on keeping hydrated.

I have no idea how I am going to eat so I can take my meds tonight though.

Being sick on Shabbos is hard. I wanted to sit at the table with the kids and interact with them, but I was hobbling back and forth between my recliner and the bathroom instead.

Sigh.

Challah is in the oven.

B"H we are getting there.

The food is all cooked and the challah is in the oven. DH washed the (tiled) back yard with the kids, so I am looking out at a much more pleasant scene and they aren't tracking the dirt in now. He even took apart the toy house and hosed it down, inside and out.

The big kids bathed themselves and the my husband has the little ones in the bath now.

The air conditioner repair man called and said that he had our part and will IY"H come Sunday to fix it, but it cooled off so that wait is perfectly okay.

My friend is making a bas mitzvah celebration for her daughter this Shabbos and Shabbos is my birthday as well, so I am obviously thinking of them!

Shabbos is coming!!

Sitting around watching

I spent the day sitting, sitting and talking to my husband in the morning. Sitting and watching my kids play at my feet in the afternoon. Sitting and watching the little ones splash in the wading pool a bit later and sitting and watching my lovely friend clean my kitchen and help my kids clean up their messes this evening.

My ankle still hurts, is turning a rainbow of colors and swells if it isn't elevated, but if I keep it up it isn't terrible. Today, B"H, the kids and life cooperated to let me do so.

My son's feeding pump cooperated after bedtime and my husband came home ready to help once he was off work in the middle of the night. The trash is out and the house feels good.

Tomorrow I still have to make that challah that I wasn't able to make earlier in the week, but hopefully after another night of rest my ankle will be up for bearing a bit of weight for a while. The doctor said three days of rest and I did that the best I could.

It really was a good day, despite my forced vacation. I am getting some reading of my own done and a lot of cuddling and book reading with the kids as well. Knowing that things should start getting better and that elevating my foot shouldn't be as important soon is also a huge relief.

Shabbos is coming and after a week like this that thought is enough to make me want to burst into song of praise to HKBH.

Forced vacation

I really mangled my ankle well. The orthopedist, yesterday, ordered xrays but they were clear so he thinks I tore my tibiofibular ligament. I am now in an ace bandage and aircast and he ordered me off my foot for three days and to keep it aircasted for three weeks and then come back for a recheck.

I am in a large amount of pain and, despite the doctor's orders, staying off of my foot isn't possible. Not only do I have children B"H, among them I have a son with special needs whose feeding pump alarms the most when I want the most desperately for it to be quiet. Last night I got the kids to sleep (upstairs) and prayed that I would be able to sit with my foot up and rest for a bit in my recliner (downstairs). Within half an hour my son's feeding pump was alarming that there was no food (and of course there was plenty of formula in there, but if I didn't reset it he wouldn't get fed). I got it going, rested a bit and went back downstairs to have it alarm again half an hour later.

At that point I gave up and decided I was stuck upstairs, where there was no computer or air conditioning, for the rest of the night. I made the best of it, resting and reading in bed until my husband got home from work, but not being very mobile is frustrating.

On good ankle news, the arnica cream really seems to be helping the bruising. I can tell which spots I missed last night because they are much more colorful.

Today I am planning on a quiet day at home. When I got up this morning I was going to put on a cozy robe and stay home. Then I decided that if I did that I would end up seeing people or having to leave the house and I don't want to. I compromised on comfortable clothing that is presentable and that I could leave the house in only to realize, after I was dressed and downstairs, that the robe would have made the arrival of the air conditioning repair people much more likely.

If they don't fix my ac today I may well have to stay in a robe tomorrow.

I have things I need to do and just can't. The house is slowly falling apart from all of the little things that only a mommy thinks to do. I also need to make challah for Shabbos and had gotten as far as making dough for tortillas earlier in the week, that never got made into tortillas.

Very very frustrating. I am tired of not being well.

What a klutz I am, or the day of missed connections and naps

Today just didn't go quite right.

I got to the doctor's office on time and found that for the first time ever, I didn't have a lab slip to do my blood work and didn't even realize it. The only doctor working in the office this morning was a pediatrician and there was a huge line of people waiting to see him.

B"H I was able to get a lab sip faxed over and things taken care of on time, but it was a worrisome 10 minutes. The first lab pickup is at 9am, and the only way I am guaranteed same day results is if we make that pickup.

After my blood draw I spent just enough time in the pharmacy to get to the bus stop in time to see the bus leave without me. It was already incredibly hot out (it hit 104* today, and was in the 90s by 9am)and the buses are every 15 minutes, so I went across the street to the air conditioned grocery store to do a bit of shopping while I waited. 10 minutes later I was back at the bus stop, but it seems I missed the next bus.

After waiting twenty two minutes in the hot sun I finally got a bus home with every intention of taking a drink and a nap.

When I got home I found out that the air conditioning people my husband had called were on their way. On a day like today there is no saying anything but hooray to news like that! An hour later the technician arrived but within minutes he left. A bit after that another guy, who they thought would be able to fix, it came, stayed 10 minutes and then he left! An hour later both of them came back, let my husband know that they had to replace the internal motor, which lives in the bathroom ceiling. Taking that down meant making a mess and that they won't be back until tomorrow. There isn't even a half working air conditioning now, just a mess of wires and dust.

By the time they finished it was 1pm and the children were walking in the door. Generally I don't nap when the children are home, even if my husband is here, because I like to greet them when they come home see them but I fell into bed none the less. My eyes just wouldn't stay open

3pm I woke up and check my lab results and got confirmation that I had to keep my doctor's appointment and get my IV.

4pm I left for the doctor.

6:3opm I left the doctor's office, tanked up with IV calcium, prescriptions and lab slips.

Of course I missed the bus again.

My husband asked why I was even waiting for the bus. I was standing in front of the place I needed to be at 7:30pm. I wanted to see my kids and lay down for a bit though, even though it didn't make sense. I got home at the time that I should have left but hung out for a bit instead.

In the end, I got to our local Annual English Speaking Women's Gathering fashionably late and had a wonderful evening. There was singing, dancing, an orchestra, jokes and words of Torah. It was a great night. I wish we had such events more often. I even managed to win one of the door prizes. My raffle ticket was pulled for an after school music group for girls going into kindergarten or first grade. The ticket entitles me (or my daughter in this case) to three free group lessons. I don't usually win things, but this wasn't just winning, it was winning something that my daughter will appreciate!

Walking to the bus stop it was dark. The street light by the bus stop was out and I stepped into the hole near a tree and wrenched my ankle. B"H the tree was there or I would have fallen on my face. So far I have quite a bit of pain and have a purple swollen area the size of a large chicken egg right below and in front of my ankle bone. My husband could see it all of the way across the room by the time I got home.

Ice, arnica, and ibuprofen are my current best friends.

Today certainly wasn't all bad, but I hope that tomorrow is a bit better!

36 cream filled, chocolate frosted cupcakes

for two school birthday parties and one day later I am ready for bed.

I was busily getting things ready for my son's fourth birthday party in school, which is scheduled for Tuesday, when I got a phone call asking if we could celebrate my youngest daughter's sixth birthday at school tomorrow.

My first reaction was, "good thing I am having a pretty good day!"

My second thought was, "well doubling recipes doesn't make that much more of a mess." So that is what we did.

My husband did most of the shopping, my big girls were huge helps at shopping for a few more items for the goodie bags and packing them up. Some of the neighborhood kids got their hands into the project and tied the bags shut and curled the ribbons. It was wonderful to watch everything come together.

I am really numb now though. Between last week and today I have been pushing my limits for a bit too long. I am a bit worried about my blood tests tomorrow. I am afraid that my nice long relatively stable period that it is over.

Cute confusion

My son goes to a school for children with special needs. The give the children individualized attention so the classes are small and there are are only nine children in his class.

Friday was my son's fourth birthday.

For some odd reason they celebrated the birthday of one of the girls in his class Friday (her birthday was not Friday) and scheduled his school party for Monday.

Every time anyone wished him a happy birthday on Friday (and there were quite a few calls) he told them all "No! Taliya!" As I am sure you can guess, Taliya is the girl whose birthday was celebrated on Friday.

We had cupcakes at home and sang to him Friday afternoon, but until his school party on Monday the confusion will continue.

Tomorrow's plan is making snack bags and the chocolate cupcakes with chocolate frosting and chocolate that the birthday boy requested.

Thursday it is!!

B"H we made it here. After a long, exhausting week it is Thursday and Shabbos is right around the corner. I am tired, but my week was emotionally a good one.

Tuesday I got reassuring news from my ultrasound.
Wednesday I spent with friends filling my spiritual and emotional well.
Today, Thursday was a day of resting and gathering some physical strength.
Friday my miracle baby turns four. He is no long a baby.

I also managed to speak with my grandmother today. I have left messages or called and just not left messages. Either way I had not spoken with her for weeks. I was starting to really panic about her. We usually speak at least once a week and it has been well over a month since we spoke.

It was such a relief to hear her voice. She had a full house of grand and great grandchildren in her home when I called and B"H she sounded like she was doing well. She said she was sick last week, but B"H is doing better. I guess I was right to worry. I am just feeling relief at having heard her voice and not hearing pain it it though.

The retreat was great!

I went a bit late because I was trying to make sure I was okay and did a lot of hand washing in case I was wrong. My stomach has been behaving since yesterday afternoon, so I don't think any of my exhaustion today is from being sick. I still don't even know if yesterday was Crohn's, food or viral.

It was good to see people I care about, the lectures were good and the chairs weren't too uncomfortable.

I am exhausted though. Considering yesterday and the dehydration that caused, and how long the day was today that makes sense.

I am sick

So much for my plans!! I woke up this morning feeling fine but as soon as I finished getting dressed a wave of nausea hit. It seems I have an awful stomach virus. I spent the morning sleeping or in the bathroom.

I called to see about rescheduling my biopsy/ultrasound appointment but they were adamant that there were no appointments. The doctor on schedules six months in advance and they are all full.

My two pm B"H my bathroom trips had slowed down so I decided that canceling the appointment wasn't in my best interest. Somehow I managed to find a ride and drag myself out of bed to go to my appointment. Good thing I know the hospital well. It makes for less walking and constant knowledge of where the bathroom are.

The wait was excruciating. I stayed as far away from everyone as I could and just worked on staying upright without crying. Not only is my stomach a mess, all of my joints hurt. Three hours after I got there I was finally taken in and it was almost worth it because B"H the news was good. It seems the node not only didn't grow, it shrank a tiny bit. The biopsy was again deferred and we will be checking it again in four months.

As soon as I got home I went back to sleep. I just woke up to take my meds and will IY"H be sleeping again soon.

I am not sure what to do about my trip tomorrow. I was looking forward to it but if I am contagious I can not go and if I feel like this I won't enjoy myself anyway.

What a beautiful party!!

My daughter's kindergarten party was a pleasure to see. They obviously put a lot of work into learning the songs and dances as well as the costumes. The girls enjoyed themselves.

The rest of the day was okay, with the exception of the major grocery shopping my husband did. The cleaning lady is coming in the morning, the groceries are all over the floor and not only do I not have energy to put them away, there is no space for most of them. Sales are wonderful, but if you spend money on things you wouldn't have purchased or purchase a quantity too large to deal with it isn't a help.

I am tired and that really lowers my frustration level. This shouldn't be upsetting, less so a crisis, but at the moment I am not happy.

Eclairs, friends and the great start to the week.

I so am glad this week is full. It is leaving me less time to worry about Tuesday.

Paperwork for Tuesday is in order. My neck is feeling more swollen, though it is probably just my nerves.

Today I made eclairs with the help of my children and a friend who had been here for Shabbos. My girls and our friend filled the eclairs while I frosted them. We made cute little ones for my daughter's end of the year party. Four and five year olds generally won't finish full size ones and making the little eclairs is a lot of fun when there are enough hands available to help out.

We managed to borrow the all black outfit that my daughter needs for her party. It is funny, we had nothing in black for her. No tights, no skirt, no shirt except a winter shirt. B"H for wonderful neighbors. Now we have a really cute outfit ready for the morning and she is so excited.

My evening out was nice as well. Logic should have kept me home, but I am glad I went.

Shavua tov, a good week to all!

So far, so good. The shuir (lecture) tonight was a great start to the week. The speaker was exceptional and his talk inspirational. I left a bit early (11:30pm) because I was fading and there was a break, but that is no reflection on anything except me.

Tomorrow morning is IY"H baking morning for my youngest daughter's end of the year party. After the kids get home (and hopefully we take pictures) our guest should be leaving. I have to find a babysitter or I won't be going out in the evening, so the day may be a bit quieter than I previously expected, but still busy enough for me.

B"H for air conditioning and good friends

The temperate today is over 90*F, so we have the air conditioning on and are appreciating it immensely. I did a bit of cooking and am more able to appreciate the fruits of my labor because we aren't sweltering in its aftermath.

We are finishing off the last of the potato mushroom knishes I made for my daughter's bas mitzvah this Shabbos and I made fresh chicken stock and challah today, so on top of the much appreciated food that was sent for Shabbos it looks like we have quite the feast.

A good friend's daughter was in Israel for the year for seminary (typically a year of studies after high school). Seminary ended Monday and we got the honor of her presence this Shabbos. The dorm closed for the year Friday and she is flying our in the wee hours of the morning Monday. Until then she is ours to enjoy.

We may be celebrating our last Shabbos together. Generally it would be hard, knowing we may never seen her again, but there is a real possibility that she will be back, for further education, next year. Until this possibility came up I was having a hard time our parting. I was in tears when I said good bye for what I thought was the last time a couple weeks ago.

There aren't many sweeter, more sincere, helpful, lovely people around.

Next week

I spent this morning sleeping, recovering from my outing yesterday evening. B"H I am glad I went, the davening (praying) was great but it was exhausting none the less.

I hope it gets me through next week, because there are no rest days. Saturday night a local friend is having a woman's gathering which I helped arrange and made phone calls for, Sunday I have a meeting in the morning and a support group in the evening. Monday is my daughter's end of the year party, which mothers are invited to. I am supposed to be making and bringing dessert and was hoping to make eclairs. Tuesday I arranged with a friend to go to an art class and then help her shop for a dress for her daughter's bas mitzvah and from there I am going to my ultrasound and biopsy. Wednesday I have an all day Beit Natan retreat for women with cancer. Thursday I predict I will be in bed. I hope nothing changes to prevent that.

On top of all of that, I got my blood work back and my thyroglobulin is up a bit, which has me worried about my appointment Tuesday. My RAI was almost a year ago. Sigh.

Muscles and nerves

I saw my doctor today and she think that my pain is from muscles tension and nerve issues from my surgery. Right now my muscles on the side of my neck where my surgery was are incredibly tight. She B"H didn't feel any new bumps or growths. She wants me to start PT again, with hopes that it will help the tightness and pain.

My husband came home early again today. Miracles continue! This has never happened before.

Tonight I am IY"H going to Kever Rochel. The last couple weeks my Friday ride hasn't worked out and my husband is off this afternoon so I am excitedly taking this opportunity. As much as I would rather sleep, logging some extra prayer time before my hectic week next week is more likely to help in the long run.

Crash, bang.

I was determined to get up this morning and get to the doctor's for blood tests and have a productive morning. I woke up but was too tired to move. I didn't go anywhere or do anything except make a few phone calls from my bed.

By noon I couldn't keep my eyes opened. My husband was working in the morning so I set my alarm and managed to pull myself out of bed at 1:15, when my children were due home. B"H for the microwave at times like that. I gave the girls salad and heated up some already cooked macaroni and meatballs in the microwave.

Then my husband called. Generally he works until five or six, but today he was covering other employees breaks and was able to leave at 1:30pm. I was so relieved that I almost cried.

I was back in bed shortly before my husband got home and slept until 5:30pm. I am so tired.

Next week is a busy week, three trips in Yerushalayim, two all day, and I don't see how I am going to manage.

Friends and fears

A have a friend who understands my fears, even if I don't say them outright, who knows where my brain goes with every new pain, and who makes me feel better without discounting my feelings or telling my not to think that way.

We don't speak often and when we do it is often at odd hours. The talks leave me feeling refreshed and understood.

We spent some time talking in the middle of the night last night and it was exactly what I needed.

Thought my shoulder still hurts today, the worry wasn't in the forefront of my thoughts. It was validated and put away. Acknowledging the fact that the worry was real did a lot more than all of the pushing it away and trying to ignore it which I was doing.

Today was okay

B"H even though I didn't get anything spectacular done.

The kids were happy. I found a good distraction from the pain and the day was pleasant.

I am still in pain and quite numb, but I am emotionally doing better. Last week was hard.

Today my children and I spoke with and saw my mother on Skype. She is IY"H coming for three weeks in the end of July and everyone is excited. She asked for a list and I have been brainstorming fun things from the US for her to bring.

There isn't much that we can't get here which we actually need, but there are some comfort items that are much much more expensive here and some medical items that are useful for caring for my son which we haven't found here yet.

Window shopping and dreaming is a lot of fun.

Pain pain go away

My shoulder and arm still hurt. I figured a whole Shabbos of rest would help, but it didn't. The pain is still there.

After a whole week of pain I am having trouble keeping my brain from going there, wondering if there is something growing and pressing on a nerve in my neck causing the pain. My ultrasound and biopsy are scheduled for the 15th. I have to keep sane until then. I am so tempted to ask for an ultrasound before then, but it wouldn't be with a neck expert and if it isn't an expert it can't reassure so I will wait.

Or maybe I won't wait. Maybe I will call my massage therapist and see if she can help and if that doesn't work I guess I could talk to my doctor.

Besides the pain and a bit of numbness I am doing well. I am looking forward to a good week.

All is well

My son's doctor's appointments B"H went well. Afterward we did a bit of shopping. We went to the bakery and he picked two different cookies and I bought him a new blue velvet kippah that matches much of his summer clothing.

My son, who didn't start talking until a year ago when he was three, spent the afternoon making up songs and singing them to me. In the cab he sang "I can't hear the air conditioner, but it makes noise." (translated from the Hebrew) Waiting for the bus to go home he sang, "I think it is coming, we are going home." He sang off and on the whole time in between. His singing voice is so sweet.

It was much better for the spirit than even home made pizza.

It is funny

I worked so hard on improving my attitude, which B"H went pretty well. I am happier (even though I slept all morning and didn't accomplish anything today) but now I am incredibly sore.

My numb shoulder is itchy. I can't feel myself scratch and it doesn't help to try, but I can't help it when I itch that much. It seems that the scratching left my shoulder throbbing and aching though and right now I have shooting pain from my neck all of the way down to my fingers in my right hand.

This afternoon I have to leave the house for appointments. I can't believe it is Thursday already. Shabbos is coming soon. I would like to get something done for Shabbos today, but I think the appointments will have to suffice. Anything else I manage to do will be a bonus.

Up

I am still exhausted, but today I made a conscious effort to make my day better. I got up this morning and did not take my morning nap. I chatted with the woman who came to help me clean my home and made pizza, even though I had a frozen meal I could have heated up, with olives for my olive loving kids even though I can not stand olives on pizza.

In the afternoon I gave the younger kids long bubble baths. We made bubble cookies and cakes and bubble beards and hair. It was a ton of fun. The kids had prune palms and raisin fingers. My fingers cracked, but it was great.

I have been down and need to find more little projects like these to keep me up.

I friend who has been asking for burritos. That would be a huge stretch of my energies, but if I take several days to do it it may just be the project I need. I should go and see if I have beans to soak.

I also need to research pools. The bathtub may be fun for the little kids but the big ones want some sort of pool for the back yard for the summer. We don't have a ton of space, but we have enough to have something big enough for all of us to have fun. We have to figure out how to make the yard a bit more private, but that kind of challenge is good and healthy.

Once my oldest and my husband give me measurements of the available space and I figure out how we are paying I can move on to researching pools, chlorine, pool nets, covers and filters.

My children are my life, but I need my project to keep me moving.