Thinking about death

God willing you and I have many many good years ahead of us, but recently I have lost too many close to me and I have other friends facing serious, potentially life limiting diagnoses.  I have found that most people don't even want to talk about or think about death, especially not their own chv"sh.

Leaving behind loved ones, children, spouses, and all of our dreams for the future seems impossible, yet it happens.  Even the thought seems too painful to contemplate.

When my father died I was a teenager. It was one of the hardest things I have been through.  The pain is still raw almost 23 years later.  But the pride and love is also strong.  I know my father did everything he could to take care of us and make the transition to being without him as smooth as possible.  He made sure my mother understood the finances, that they were in order and that financially we were in a decent position.  He wrote his own obituary so she didn't have to do it.  He bought his cemetery plot, made arrangements with the chevra kadisha and he even bought the wood for his casket, bought beer and invited his friends to come over and build it with him.

They refused.  He knew his time on earth was limited, but none of us were ready.  I can't say I am even now.

One of his friends did take the plans and the wood and built his coffin the day he died, before the burial.  I took the obituary and the fax phone numbers left and sent the faxes off.

The technical details were all taken care of and most importantly, we all knew we were loved and cared about.  We all knew that my father had done what he could to make things as easy as possible because he knew we would be in pain and he loved us and wished it weren't so.

He wasn't afraid of death, but he was sorry about the pain that goes along with being left behind because he loves us so.

Not all of us will be given that opportunity to prepare.  It is a gift, a heart wrenching and painful gift, to know that our days are numbered.  The opportunity to spend time with family, make preparations and make the time count, knowing it is limited.

But all of our days are numbered.  No one lives forever.

I believe that talking about our mortality can make us more human, leaves us more prepared and helps us live a better life.  What do we want to take with us when we leave?  What do we want to leave behind?  Who are we?  What is our potential?  How are we affecting those around us?  Are we making sure that those we love know how much we love them?  Are we living a life that pleases God?