Exhaustion

I haven't done much the last couple days. I have been sleeping in the mornings until the children come home. The house is less of a disaster than I would have expected, but no thanks to me.

I am tired, both physically and emotionally.

It has been almost a week since I left the house last, and that was to go to the doctor. My husband is working afternoons/evenings all week, otherwise I think I would prescribe an evening out with friends or shopping. Not only am I too exhausted to move in the mornings, it is way too hot.

I need to come up with a plan to push past the exhaustion. As much as it is physically based, productivity and activity help.

The joys and tribulations of motherhood

There are many many joys of motherhood. B"H I am blessed with my children and the ability to appreciate them. The hugs and snuggles, kisses and laughter are the rewards for our work, worry and love.

So many loving moments come and go so pleasantly. Books are read, projects are done, songs are sung, hugs and snuggles are shared.

Then there are the times you don't forget so quickly. The ones that don't go quite as planned. As a mother of small children, these incidents can be a bit disgusting. This weekend was ripe with them. One child's diaper leaked in my lap on Friday, when I had company over, requiring me to go change my clothing. Shabbos a different child fell asleep on me, during a nice afternoon snuggle, and wet herself, and me.

Not the typical end to a Shabbos nap, but one neither of us will forget for a while.

Memories aren't usually made when things go smoothly. It is the odd occurrence, the super special happening or the disasters the stick in our mind.

Motherhood is generally comprised of all of the above.

Hello Mikimi!

My friend came over to visit this morning. She lives up north but was in town to help out a woman who just had a baby and took some time off to come visit.

It was very nice. We chatted and she got to meet my son (she had already met the girls) and help me with my leftover cheesecake. I am very glad she came.

Now we are in the process of cleaning up for Shabbos. The wonderful weather is pulling the kids outside, which is both great for keeping the house neater and an issue in terms of getting their jobs done. Like many things in life it evens out.

Phone strings with no cords attached

My cell phone stopped charging a couple days ago, two weeks after my husband's phone stopped charging. The battery has been totally dead and with no way of recharging it I have been phone free.

There was a time when being unattached, unreachable and disconnected felt good. It was freeing. I could just concentrate on here and now. It doesn't feel that way any more. I need to know my kids are okay. The ability to get in touch with others and for others to be able to be in touch with me, when they need to, is a comfort.

For a day I thought that we just wouldn't buy new phones. I thought that the freedom would be good, until I tried it.

After the first day I had my husband go to a store and see about buying new phones but the cost was more than I was willing to pay. The same phones without the internet and games disabled cost a fraction of the cost and that ticked me off.

We spent another day cell phone free, then our home phone stopped working. It is a VOIP phone, so it relies on the internet being up to work. When we switched from a regular land line to a voip phone line I knew it would be less reliable, but I was okay with it since we both had cell phones. The savings was worth the occasional inconvenience.

With no cell phone it was another story though.

Once we had phone service I called and ordered new cell phones. They arrived today. B"H we have working phones again. I can call and ask my husband to pick up something from the store when he is on break, find out when he is on his way home, receive my doctors phone calls no matter where I am and know that if there is a problem when I am not at home, someone can reach me.

For many years we didn't have cellphones and were happy that way. Times have changed. Now my working phone is cause for celebration.

Good night

It was a good day, though a long day, and I am exhausted. I am just checking in to say good night.

I don't have much to report. My day was fine B"H. It wasn't exciting or full of accomplishments, but that is okay.

Sleep well.

Eclairs and smiles

I am still numb and exhausted, but I finished a project that I started Sunday. I had decided to make eclairs for my friends, who I am meeting up with IY"H on Wednesday.

I had the chocolate frosting and the filling made and today I made the pastries and put them together. They are in the freezer evading temptation now.

It is funny, the more I manage to do the more I dream. Many things I want to make but fear starting, since they can't be made over the course of several days. Bagels are on my dream list, but they can only be made when I will have energy from start to finish. They don't have a pause button.

Pickles on the other hand are a regular project here. They take 3 minutes of effort and look like they took all day. Most of the work is the waiting, and that I am good at. The children love them, which keeps me in business and all of us smiling.

One of my kids asked me today, when I would make burritos again. As opposed to my three minute pickles, burritos are a three day project. They start with washing and soaking beans, then cooking the beans and finally making the tortillas and filling them. I am not even dreaming of burritos at this point.

My kids will have to be happy with eclairs and pickles and leave the dreaming up to me.

My pillow is calling my name

The last two nights were a bit rough. The days weren't bad, but the muscle cramps and tingling weren't letting me sleep. I don't always make great decisions when I am exhausted, so despite my body's obvious signs I finally fell asleep at 8am yesterday. I slept from 8 until after 10am. At my doctor's office the last pickup for the lab is 10am, so that was that. The only other option for blood tests was the ER, and we all know how I feel about the hospital, right?

This morning I got up and went. This evening I got IV instead of going to my daughter's dance recital. My younger daughter went and we are buying the CD of the performance, but I still feel incredibly guilty. The performance was at 6pm on one side of the city and the only doctor's appointment I could get was 6:30pm on the other. I tried, but it didn't work out.

My daughter understands, or at least seemed to, but that doesn't make me feel better.

I made her an eclair when she got home, to celebrate her performance. It made me feel a tad bit better. I am not sure how she is really feeling. Adolescents emotions aren't easy to read.

Being a mother isn't easy. Having to make this kind of choice really stinks. Frosting on the cake, I am numb again. The IV helped for a couple hours, but I am feeling way too close to how I felt before the IV now, four hours later.

Either way, sleeping or crying, I will be spending some time with my pillow tonight.