I was determined to get up this morning and get to the doctor's for blood tests and have a productive morning. I woke up but was too tired to move. I didn't go anywhere or do anything except make a few phone calls from my bed.
By noon I couldn't keep my eyes opened. My husband was working in the morning so I set my alarm and managed to pull myself out of bed at 1:15, when my children were due home. B"H for the microwave at times like that. I gave the girls salad and heated up some already cooked macaroni and meatballs in the microwave.
Then my husband called. Generally he works until five or six, but today he was covering other employees breaks and was able to leave at 1:30pm. I was so relieved that I almost cried.
I was back in bed shortly before my husband got home and slept until 5:30pm. I am so tired.
Next week is a busy week, three trips in Yerushalayim, two all day, and I don't see how I am going to manage.
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Monday, June 7, 2010
Friends and fears
A have a friend who understands my fears, even if I don't say them outright, who knows where my brain goes with every new pain, and who makes me feel better without discounting my feelings or telling my not to think that way.
We don't speak often and when we do it is often at odd hours. The talks leave me feeling refreshed and understood.
We spent some time talking in the middle of the night last night and it was exactly what I needed.
Thought my shoulder still hurts today, the worry wasn't in the forefront of my thoughts. It was validated and put away. Acknowledging the fact that the worry was real did a lot more than all of the pushing it away and trying to ignore it which I was doing.
We don't speak often and when we do it is often at odd hours. The talks leave me feeling refreshed and understood.
We spent some time talking in the middle of the night last night and it was exactly what I needed.
Thought my shoulder still hurts today, the worry wasn't in the forefront of my thoughts. It was validated and put away. Acknowledging the fact that the worry was real did a lot more than all of the pushing it away and trying to ignore it which I was doing.
Sunday, June 6, 2010
Today was okay
B"H even though I didn't get anything spectacular done.
The kids were happy. I found a good distraction from the pain and the day was pleasant.
I am still in pain and quite numb, but I am emotionally doing better. Last week was hard.
Today my children and I spoke with and saw my mother on Skype. She is IY"H coming for three weeks in the end of July and everyone is excited. She asked for a list and I have been brainstorming fun things from the US for her to bring.
There isn't much that we can't get here which we actually need, but there are some comfort items that are much much more expensive here and some medical items that are useful for caring for my son which we haven't found here yet.
Window shopping and dreaming is a lot of fun.
The kids were happy. I found a good distraction from the pain and the day was pleasant.
I am still in pain and quite numb, but I am emotionally doing better. Last week was hard.
Today my children and I spoke with and saw my mother on Skype. She is IY"H coming for three weeks in the end of July and everyone is excited. She asked for a list and I have been brainstorming fun things from the US for her to bring.
There isn't much that we can't get here which we actually need, but there are some comfort items that are much much more expensive here and some medical items that are useful for caring for my son which we haven't found here yet.
Window shopping and dreaming is a lot of fun.
Pain pain go away
My shoulder and arm still hurt. I figured a whole Shabbos of rest would help, but it didn't. The pain is still there.
After a whole week of pain I am having trouble keeping my brain from going there, wondering if there is something growing and pressing on a nerve in my neck causing the pain. My ultrasound and biopsy are scheduled for the 15th. I have to keep sane until then. I am so tempted to ask for an ultrasound before then, but it wouldn't be with a neck expert and if it isn't an expert it can't reassure so I will wait.
Or maybe I won't wait. Maybe I will call my massage therapist and see if she can help and if that doesn't work I guess I could talk to my doctor.
Besides the pain and a bit of numbness I am doing well. I am looking forward to a good week.
After a whole week of pain I am having trouble keeping my brain from going there, wondering if there is something growing and pressing on a nerve in my neck causing the pain. My ultrasound and biopsy are scheduled for the 15th. I have to keep sane until then. I am so tempted to ask for an ultrasound before then, but it wouldn't be with a neck expert and if it isn't an expert it can't reassure so I will wait.
Or maybe I won't wait. Maybe I will call my massage therapist and see if she can help and if that doesn't work I guess I could talk to my doctor.
Besides the pain and a bit of numbness I am doing well. I am looking forward to a good week.
Friday, June 4, 2010
All is well
My son's doctor's appointments B"H went well. Afterward we did a bit of shopping. We went to the bakery and he picked two different cookies and I bought him a new blue velvet kippah that matches much of his summer clothing.
My son, who didn't start talking until a year ago when he was three, spent the afternoon making up songs and singing them to me. In the cab he sang "I can't hear the air conditioner, but it makes noise." (translated from the Hebrew) Waiting for the bus to go home he sang, "I think it is coming, we are going home." He sang off and on the whole time in between. His singing voice is so sweet.
It was much better for the spirit than even home made pizza.
My son, who didn't start talking until a year ago when he was three, spent the afternoon making up songs and singing them to me. In the cab he sang "I can't hear the air conditioner, but it makes noise." (translated from the Hebrew) Waiting for the bus to go home he sang, "I think it is coming, we are going home." He sang off and on the whole time in between. His singing voice is so sweet.
It was much better for the spirit than even home made pizza.
Thursday, June 3, 2010
It is funny
I worked so hard on improving my attitude, which B"H went pretty well. I am happier (even though I slept all morning and didn't accomplish anything today) but now I am incredibly sore.
My numb shoulder is itchy. I can't feel myself scratch and it doesn't help to try, but I can't help it when I itch that much. It seems that the scratching left my shoulder throbbing and aching though and right now I have shooting pain from my neck all of the way down to my fingers in my right hand.
This afternoon I have to leave the house for appointments. I can't believe it is Thursday already. Shabbos is coming soon. I would like to get something done for Shabbos today, but I think the appointments will have to suffice. Anything else I manage to do will be a bonus.
My numb shoulder is itchy. I can't feel myself scratch and it doesn't help to try, but I can't help it when I itch that much. It seems that the scratching left my shoulder throbbing and aching though and right now I have shooting pain from my neck all of the way down to my fingers in my right hand.
This afternoon I have to leave the house for appointments. I can't believe it is Thursday already. Shabbos is coming soon. I would like to get something done for Shabbos today, but I think the appointments will have to suffice. Anything else I manage to do will be a bonus.
Tuesday, June 1, 2010
Up
I am still exhausted, but today I made a conscious effort to make my day better. I got up this morning and did not take my morning nap. I chatted with the woman who came to help me clean my home and made pizza, even though I had a frozen meal I could have heated up, with olives for my olive loving kids even though I can not stand olives on pizza.
In the afternoon I gave the younger kids long bubble baths. We made bubble cookies and cakes and bubble beards and hair. It was a ton of fun. The kids had prune palms and raisin fingers. My fingers cracked, but it was great.
I have been down and need to find more little projects like these to keep me up.
I friend who has been asking for burritos. That would be a huge stretch of my energies, but if I take several days to do it it may just be the project I need. I should go and see if I have beans to soak.
I also need to research pools. The bathtub may be fun for the little kids but the big ones want some sort of pool for the back yard for the summer. We don't have a ton of space, but we have enough to have something big enough for all of us to have fun. We have to figure out how to make the yard a bit more private, but that kind of challenge is good and healthy.
Once my oldest and my husband give me measurements of the available space and I figure out how we are paying I can move on to researching pools, chlorine, pool nets, covers and filters.
My children are my life, but I need my project to keep me moving.
In the afternoon I gave the younger kids long bubble baths. We made bubble cookies and cakes and bubble beards and hair. It was a ton of fun. The kids had prune palms and raisin fingers. My fingers cracked, but it was great.
I have been down and need to find more little projects like these to keep me up.
I friend who has been asking for burritos. That would be a huge stretch of my energies, but if I take several days to do it it may just be the project I need. I should go and see if I have beans to soak.
I also need to research pools. The bathtub may be fun for the little kids but the big ones want some sort of pool for the back yard for the summer. We don't have a ton of space, but we have enough to have something big enough for all of us to have fun. We have to figure out how to make the yard a bit more private, but that kind of challenge is good and healthy.
Once my oldest and my husband give me measurements of the available space and I figure out how we are paying I can move on to researching pools, chlorine, pool nets, covers and filters.
My children are my life, but I need my project to keep me moving.
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