Low but not too low

My calcium was low, but not quite low enough for IV this morning. I was numb, but obviously not numb enough since I spent the day accomplishing things instead of resting. I ended up without my helper (again) this week. I had a big backup of dishes and pots to wash, laundry to take care of and organizing to do.

B"H I managed to get the dishes done and some of the laundry folded. I also finally made the barbecue that we had promised the kids earlier in the week and bought charcoal and defrosted meat for. It had to happen, or the meat was going to waste, so though my energy was zapped I did it. It felt great to have such a full and productive day but I am totally numb and my muscles are cramping now.

There is no bloodwork until Sunday, so we will be riding my stupidity out. Hopefully with a smile since I know I came by it honestly. I spent the day pretending I was okay. It was a nice fantasy. I wish it was real.

A day at home is a good day.

I love being home.

I slept this morning which was wonderful and much needed. I haven't been sleeping well at all.

The day only got better when the kids got home. They came home happy and ate lunch nicely with no complaints. They showed their love for each other, played nicely and spent the day snacking on the pickles I made yesterday.

They finished three liters (3/4 of a gallon) worth of pickles in one day. The new recipe was really good, better than the old recipe which was good as well. After homework was done my kids went to the store across the street to buy more cucumbers. I think they had high pickle hopes.

Supper time I had more strength than I have had in a while so everyone was treated to fresh pancakes and syrup.

The kids went to sleep happily. I am tired, but happy. I realized that any day that I don't have to leave my home is a happy one. The exhaustion from going out makes the day much longer and my home is such a pleasant place. I like to be here.

In the days before I got sick I rarely left my home. Now I have to go out for doctors visits and lab tests, multiple times a week. I always liked being home, but now I really appreciate it.

Post two for today. I am back again!!

B"H today was not all bad. It wasn't even half bad. I had my period of upset, but I am feeling calm again.

I am sore and tired, but I had a productive day. I reorganized a closet, made another batch of pickles (the first ones were eaten and I had a new recipe to try) and had a great day with my kids. My husband got one of the (five) freezer drawers cleaned out. I organized and my cleaning lady did the heavy cleaning and we B"H ended up with a house that I can live in happily.

The kids had friends over and everyone played nicely until bedtime. I had some wonderful opportunities for hugs and snuggles. I cuddled my little ones and read to them, but I was also astounded at how much they have grown up, how independent they have gotten and how much I both love and appreciate them.

Outside of the one glitch, which was in HaShem's plans even if it wasn't in mine, it was an extraordinarily wonderful day.

I am upset and frustrated

HaShem is in charge.

It is all in for the best. It is all in His hands.

HaShem is in charge.

I just got a phone call from the hospital. My ultrasound and biopsy on May 11th was canceled. They wanted me to see a different doctor, who had never examined my neck, never been given his name as a doctor to use (I was told only to use my doctor or one other), and told me if I didn't take that appointment the next one was in November.

I didn't cry, but I was not happy and I let her know. This is not cool.

I was scheduled for the biopsy on the 11th of May and RAI was booked for the 23rd of May. It was scheduled three months ago so we would be ready to go if we needed to after the biopsy. It is a 2-3 month wait to get the RAI isolation room.

So after I pushed, got upset, told the scheduler this wasn't okay, they managed to get me in with my radiologist on June 15th. I am supposed to smile since it isn't November like she originally told me. At this point it probably makes sense to cancel the radiation and reschedule it, if we have to, after the June ultrasound and biopsy.

I should call my oncologist and let her know what is going on.

Sigh.

Man plans, God laughs.

I know this is for my good, but I was already getting worried about the biopsy, already got insurance approval (which is only good for a month) and already found a friend to go with me.

The doctor had said to come back in three months, now it will be four. What if it is growing?

I would cry if the kids weren't here. Not because I don't know it is good, I know it is, but I am upset anyway. The waiting, the wondering, cancer, I despise it all.

Acupuncture day

It wasn't as torturous this week as it was last week but it was still far from pleasant. I hate needles. It hurts. It helped the numbness in my shoulder this week though. He asked me to keep track of how long it helps for, as the previous times it didn't last even close to the whole week.

I bought basil and mint plants and planted them in a planter by my kitchen window. Now we have herbs and cacti, including the all important aloe, out there. When we moved here, almost five years ago, I had a hard time leaving all of my plants behind. My huge and handy aloe, my favorite jade plant and my cyclamen were all given away before we took off. It took me almost five years to figure out where to put plants here, find a place to buy good potting soil and start planting.

We are definitely at home now.

The freezer didn't get taken care of yet. It is refrozen which took care of the smell. My husband says he will do it and I will wait until he has the time. I will stick with the pleasant smelling foliage.

Oh no!!

My spare freezer, the one that lives on the third floor in the kids playroom, got unplugged. The plug was knocked half way out and it wasn't running for goodness knows how long. I don't go up there often, my husband only slightly more frequently and my children don't notice such things.

They don't even notice such things when they start to leak and smell.

The food is rotten and the mess is disgusting beyond imagination. Once it was opened the stench was strong. There are no windows on the third floor.

My first reaction was to have my husband turn it back on and freeze it all so it won't smell as much. It still needs to be dealt with though.

Why can children not smell or notice this kind of thing? My husband knew there was a problem as soon as he got to the top landing, and the children had been up there all morning, the day before and the day before that.

Ooof. 9 packages of soy free hotdogs imported from America, a drawer full of chicken, another full of home made soups as well as hamburger and ground turkey, all rotted.

I am not crying over the loss, but the mess and the smell may cause me to cry as we work on getting it cleaned up over the next couple days.

I won't complain

I am not going to complain, not because I can't, but because I don't want to.

Shabbos was very nice. We had good food, good company, and everyone was happy. Friday my husband bought the kids treats (potato chips and fancy lollipops) which he gave them Shabbos afternoon. My oldest slept the latest she has in her life (I am starting to wonder if her bed isn't just a tad too comfortable now) and the kids all stayed up happily for the Lag B'Omer bonfire after Shabbos.

The weather was odd. It was raining off and on, which doesn't generally happen here this time of year. The rainy season should have been long past. We need rain, so it is a good thing, just bizarre.

There was plenty of time when the sky was clear and the temperature was pleasant so the children spent a lot of time outside playing. We had the windows open and there was a nice breeze.

I have a lot to be grateful for.