Falling apart

It has been a busy week, too busy.

Generally I hate to complain about my kids, which is easy since I have very little reason to. They are B"H wonderful kids who are the light of my life and keep me smiling even when I am down.

Right now, after putting so energy and much effort into make their vacation special and trying to keep them from being stuck home bored this vacation, I am ready to send my girls off to boarding school.

I don't see that getting them out of the house made a big difference in their vacation behavior. As a mater of fact, they are bothering each other, taunting each other and hitting each other, none of which they generally do!

I am at my whits end. They are usually great, gentle, well behaved kids who have so little sibling rivalry that I have no experience in this. The "she hit me" "no she hit me first" thing is insane, or at least making me insane.

I am too tired and run down for this. I just can't do it. I actually told them tonight that I am putting in notice for tomorrow, if they hit each other I will be spanking them. I have spanked each of my girls once or twice in their lifetimes. I am not a proponent of spanking. I don't see how spanking them for hitting makes any sense, but I don't have energy to come up with a better solution. We have done time outs. We have sent them to their rooms. We have made them apologize. We have worked on keeping them away from each other. At 12, 9 and 6 they are capable of keeping their hands to themselves. They managed it until this week.

Can I blame the sugar from the donuts? If I can there is hope of life going back to normal and not hearing high pitched little girls shrieking soon.

I just need a nap. I am tingly, having muscle cramps and keep on falling asleep where ever I am. I did B"H get a nap today, but it wasn't enough and I feel like it never will be.

I don't have energy for this now. I don't have the energy to be upset or to come up with a better solution to their fightings.

I just want them to stop.

Sibling day

Today was sibling day at my son's school. We left bright and early and were there until lunch time. The kids had fun, they ate, did an arts and craft project, and sang Chanukah songs.

I went too, since there was a meeting for the parents of the children in my son's class. It was nice to see the progress they have made in building and watch the children interact.

My son wanted to come home with us, but there was only room for four of us in the cab, so my oldest went home in the wheel chair accessible van that usually brings my son home. It was really cute and funny. The driver was very gracious about it and best of all, no one had to wait in the (long awaited, much appreciated) rain to get my son off of the van today!

This afternoon we ate donuts, my kids played with the neighbors and we had some nice family time after we lit the Chanukah menorah.

I am wiped out and seriously wondering how I am going to get through the day tomorrow. I have to have a nap. I am running on less than fumes and feeling more than a little broken.

I am off to bed now but we are leaving bright and early tomorrow morning to my cousin's son's bris.

Sunday was #1

Sunday is always the first day of the week, but this Sunday was also just a wonderful day.

I had trouble sleeping at night, so it was odd that I woke up bright and early ready to face the day, but wonderful as well.

I started my morning with some one on one time with my son. I got him dressed and prettied up and ready for his van. He was done with a good 15 minutes to spare and my husband was able to daven (pray) at his leisure with that task off of his head.

By the time my son was on his way to school my oldest was up. She wanted to do "something" so once she was dressed she started on finding the broken crayons and I instructed her on turning on the oven and getting together the things she needed to melt them into crayon cupcakes.

It B"H went really well and we have one cleaned out drawer and six crayon cupcakes which are great for multi colored leaf rubbings amongst other fun.

By 9am all of my girls were up and I let them know that if they were dressed and davened (prayed) by 10am I would take them out for an excursion. That got things going quickly and everyone smiling.

By 11am I was showered and ready to go. They were waiting eagerly, with smiles on their faces. We had a fun trip. First we went to the paper goods store and bought new crayons, markers, oil pastels, tape, glue, notebooks, etc. They were each given a budget and a bit of direction but they got to make their own choices and it ended up being a fun lesson in math, budgeting, priorities and for me an insight into how their brains worked.

One got little fun things, one only two big things, and one refused to spend it all preferring to ask Grandma instead if she could save a good chunk of it toward the digital camera she has had her heart set on for months.

After that we went next door to the post office to try to track down my missing package. I was prepared for a big ordeal for naught. We walked in and there was no line. Standing by the clerk I could see the shelves of boxes in the back room and one, right in the middle, had my name written on it in 3" tall letters.

That certainly made finding my "missing" box pretty simple!! It was the box with my son's winter clothing, which I had been anxiously awaiting. Generally boxes take 1-2 weeks to get here, but this one left the US close to a month ago. I was beginning to wonder if it would get here.

We have also been wondering when winter would get here... so now we are prepared. The weather forecast for tomorrow says we might have some rain showers and a high of "only" 60 so the box arrived right on time.

We walked a couple stores down from the post office and got ice creams for everyone before we called a cab to go home.

By then I was flying high, happy I was able to get out and have such a fun excursion with my kids. As I put up a pot of pasta for lunch, I expressed my desire to make potato latkes with them in the evening. I had high hopes of the day continuing as it had started.

By the time my husband returned home at 4pm I more prepared to cry in exhaustion and pain in bed than peel and grate potatoes or stand by the stove frying latkes. One of the kids asked me when I was making them and I just didn't know what to say.

Then I looked on the counter and saw that food had been delivered today. It was a big tray of pasta with sauce and a second tray of home made, ready to heat and serve, potato latkes.

I don't think that a meal has ever been sent that reduced me to actual tears of gratitude before. Grateful I am always, but this was just 100% perfect.

Awake

I still feel like I could sleep for days, but it is vacation and my kids need me so I am not hibernating. Shabbos was nice. I had good quality time with the kids and I did get a nap, but it is over. Monday is sibling day at my son's school and I am supposed to be bringing my kids. Tuesday is my nephew's bris and we are all hoping to be there.

My mother asked me to get the kids gifts from her. We generally only do money and books, but she wants me to get them arts and crafts supplies to keep them busy over their vacation. If it weren't for the fact that I have to do it, it would make a lot of sense and be a help.

I still haven't managed to make potato latkes or home made donuts. I think the donuts we may well skip, since we had good bakery donuts, but if I don't go out shopping, like my mother would like, tomorrow I might be able to do latkes.

We shall see!!

I am certainly pushing it this week and starting out exhausted from last week I am just not sure how it will work. I am not sure what to do to make it more sane either.

Recovery day?

It is a bit hard to rest and recover, both from the surgery and from my day yesterday, when all of the kids are on vacation, my helper called this morning to cancel, and my husband is working. I have been needing a nap at least once a day, even with my low low key schedule. After our trip to the consulate yesterday I am desperate, but it seems it isn't meant to be.

Some how, looking at cute faces, trying to get through the crisis that one little boys can make (thank God for his doctor's cell phone number on my speed dial!), and getting ready for Shabbos I will keep my eyes open, a smile on my face and remember how blessed I am.

I think I can. I think I can. I think I can.

The way I am feeling right now, if I close my eyes once the Shabbos candles are lit and don't manage to open them again for several days I might just be what my body needs.

Passports, donuts and more Chanukah!

Somehow, miraculously (it is that time of year!) we managed to get my son on his van and everyone out of the house in time to get to our 8:30am appointment at the US Consulate for passports. We had the forms printed and filled out, pictures done and ready and all of the documentation ready which helped the appointments B"H go smoothly.

The only hitch was I am still radioactive enough to set off their metal detectors. Flying after another treatment should be an interesting experience. I am guessing that extra time in the airport better be factored in. The consulate guards were nice about it, considering my obvious scars and my nice innocent look. The first set didn't even want to wand me, but the supervisor had them after they had told me I was fine. :) The wand declared me clean, which of course I was. Radioactive I may be, terrorist I am not!

I had another annoying run in with the Social Security agent. I went to him to take care of paperwork to get my kids payments on my SSDI claim as my dependents. He insists they each have to have their own bank account, and set me into a bit of a panic. I tried setting up bank accounts for them from here but it was not possible.

In the end I spoke with a Social Security agent over the phone who was courteous, smart and very very helpful. She pointed me to the manual and code which allows the kids payments to be put into my account, as long as they are my kids, in my care, living in my house and the money is being spent on them.

I emailed the worker from the US Consulate and oddly enough their automated email now says that they will get back to me within 10 business days, as opposed to their old automated email which said up to 5 business days. I hope the right person eventually gets and understands the email though, no matter when they decide to open it.

Speaking of opening things, and deliveries, while we were at the Consulate our driver picked up more night time diapers for my son from the person who brought them from the states for us. B"H for kind helpful people. Having diapers that work and his bed dry in the morning is a huge huge help/relief/miracle. Not needing to change his sheets, bath him, etc before he leaves the house is a huge help in the morning and not needing to remake his bed every single evening is a huge help as well.

Right around the corner from where the diapers were there is a new and exciting American style bakery which is selling some much raved about donuts. We had him pick some of those up for us as well! As usual, he was a great sport about our odd requests. I think he actually enjoyed donut shopping for us.

After lighting our Chanukah menorah tonight we had a family party. The six of us enjoyed our special donuts and chocolate milk. We gave the kids some new books as well. Books are a favorite treat here and I had to pry them away from them for bedtime, so we will likely get some vacation entertainment out of the books still!

It was a long but very happy and productive day. B"H

One candle, one month, one happy lady.

Tonight was the first night of Chanukah. We made a make your own pita pizza party at the home of a friend of mine who works near my husband's work. This way DH was able to join us during his break and we got to celebrate as a family.

It was fun. The kids were cute. It was nice getting out, seeing friends and socializing with an adult in person. Her baby is adorable. We had lots of fun making him laugh and smile. I love a smiley smooshy baby!!

I am also one whole month past my admission date for my surgery. Tomorrow I will be one month post op! It feels like it was absolutely forever ago.

I am numb, but not worse than yesterday. Mostly I am just tired enough to cry.

In the morning we go to the US Consulate for passports for the girls and to deal with Social Security. The paperwork is all filled out and ready to go and everything is together. We just need to get food together and everyone out the door by 7:30am, after getting AC on his van at 6:55am. It will be a whirlwind of a morning, but then we will have the first, and one of the more difficult, parts of our journey behind us. B"H