B"H I am still a bit tingly but much much better, the cramping is almost gone and the electrical shocks when I move are all gone. I got my IV calcium with no problems B"H and am appreciating the improvement. I am able to do what I have to do and smile while doing so.
My Shabbos cooking is done (though I didn't do most of it myself, I was B"H able to do what I needed to), my kids are bathed (thanks to my husband) and the final cleaning and sweeping is underway. The kids are working in exchange for pickles.
The one great thing about feeling so awful, is the contrast. When there is improvement it is easy to appreciate it.
Friday, April 30, 2010
Frustratingly numb
I have no idea what happened but my calcium is way down again and I feel yucky. I went for lab work this morning but the lab took its own sweet time getting us results.
Generally urgent labs sent off before 9am are supposed to have results by 2pm, but today they decided that they weren't running calcium urgently. Results only came in at 6:30pm and the office closes at 7pm, so it was too late for IV today.
I am a bit frustrated with my helper. She used to be so reliable and wonderful to work with. She didn't show up yesterday, but called to say she was coming today. This is not the first time this has happened recently. Today she didn't show up again. It has gotten to the point that I am embarrassed to call and check in to find out why she didn't come and make sure she is okay. It has been so many times that I feel like I am the one who has the issue for actually expecting it to work this time.
I know she has been going through a lot and I am not upset with her, but I need her. I need things to settle down for her or for her to say she can't keep the job now. Telling me she is coming and not showing up and not calling is frustrating.
One of my good friends said that I am not my normal patient self when my calcium is low. It makes sense. I feel gross, I can't do what I want to do, and I get electric shocks up my arms when I try move my fingers. Changing diapers and putting on my son's pjamas are a torture exercise I know is coming all evening and can't avoid. The laundry is sitting waiting to be folded, but that motion, over and over again, is not possible. My house is not a disaster, but it is not how I like it and it could be if I felt better or had a bit of help. There is so much to do that I can't and I don't feel good about it. I am grumpy. I am likely even a bit snappy, though I am trying to keep a smile on my face.
I did get a lot of pickles made in my new jars anyway. Even if I got nothing else done, at least that happened. I want the kids to have as many pickles as they want on Shabbos and I wanted to be able to show myself that I accomplished something today.
Generally urgent labs sent off before 9am are supposed to have results by 2pm, but today they decided that they weren't running calcium urgently. Results only came in at 6:30pm and the office closes at 7pm, so it was too late for IV today.
I am a bit frustrated with my helper. She used to be so reliable and wonderful to work with. She didn't show up yesterday, but called to say she was coming today. This is not the first time this has happened recently. Today she didn't show up again. It has gotten to the point that I am embarrassed to call and check in to find out why she didn't come and make sure she is okay. It has been so many times that I feel like I am the one who has the issue for actually expecting it to work this time.
I know she has been going through a lot and I am not upset with her, but I need her. I need things to settle down for her or for her to say she can't keep the job now. Telling me she is coming and not showing up and not calling is frustrating.
One of my good friends said that I am not my normal patient self when my calcium is low. It makes sense. I feel gross, I can't do what I want to do, and I get electric shocks up my arms when I try move my fingers. Changing diapers and putting on my son's pjamas are a torture exercise I know is coming all evening and can't avoid. The laundry is sitting waiting to be folded, but that motion, over and over again, is not possible. My house is not a disaster, but it is not how I like it and it could be if I felt better or had a bit of help. There is so much to do that I can't and I don't feel good about it. I am grumpy. I am likely even a bit snappy, though I am trying to keep a smile on my face.
I did get a lot of pickles made in my new jars anyway. Even if I got nothing else done, at least that happened. I want the kids to have as many pickles as they want on Shabbos and I wanted to be able to show myself that I accomplished something today.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Rest for the weary
It was a very quiet day today. I slept once the children left this morning and my husband took care of feeding them lunch before he left for work. Some wonderful high school girls took the children to the park for a couple hours. I picked them up from the park and brought them to the doctor to get my daughter's finger unbandaged, looked at and steri stripped. We also picked up some prescriptions.
Once we got back it was night gown and supper time. The day went quickly.
My daughter's bas mitzvah gift finally arrived at bedtime tonight! They said it would come Friday, or Sunday at the latest. Oh well, man plans and God laughs. She is very happy and I can finally stop worrying that they messed up the delivery.
It was a good day.
Tomorrow I have to get up early for labs and start preparing for Shabbos. I am hoping my husband can toivel (ritually immerse) my new pickling jars so I can pickle the cucumbers, which he bought me, while they are still nice and fresh. It isn't hard work, but I feel really accomplished when I manage that sort of project.
Once we got back it was night gown and supper time. The day went quickly.
My daughter's bas mitzvah gift finally arrived at bedtime tonight! They said it would come Friday, or Sunday at the latest. Oh well, man plans and God laughs. She is very happy and I can finally stop worrying that they messed up the delivery.
It was a good day.
Tomorrow I have to get up early for labs and start preparing for Shabbos. I am hoping my husband can toivel (ritually immerse) my new pickling jars so I can pickle the cucumbers, which he bought me, while they are still nice and fresh. It isn't hard work, but I feel really accomplished when I manage that sort of project.
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
A bit less exhausted
I didn't go to beading today.
I also didn't get up this morning. I have never stayed in bed when the cleaning lady came before, but I couldn't get up. I said goodbye to the kids, switched the laundry, took meds and fell back into bed this morning.
I got up in time to heat up lunch and chat with my cleaning lady before she left. She is a real sweetie and is worried about how tired I am, so I had to make her feel better.
Since I got my nap this morning and was only exhausted, not totally exhausted, I let the kids push me into taking them sandal shopping today. They are probably among the last children in Israel to be walking around in winter shoes.
It was in the high 80s again today and so dry that the field next to my house caught on fire and the fire department had to come and put it out. We did our shoe shopping while our house was full of smoke, and the fire department was taking care of things. I think the timing was perfect.
It is great how the girls are each so individual. It is even better that I could tell the sales lady if the child would say yes or no to each style before the child even saw them, and got it right every single time. One is into pink and frilly, one dark, classic and classy, and one a combination of classic and pink, if that is possible.
Bed time was a tad late since because we were a bit late getting home, but everyone went to sleep happy with new summer shoes or sandals next to their beds. I suspect that they will wake up happy and ready to run to school in the morning as well.
They are B"H so easy to please.
I also didn't get up this morning. I have never stayed in bed when the cleaning lady came before, but I couldn't get up. I said goodbye to the kids, switched the laundry, took meds and fell back into bed this morning.
I got up in time to heat up lunch and chat with my cleaning lady before she left. She is a real sweetie and is worried about how tired I am, so I had to make her feel better.
Since I got my nap this morning and was only exhausted, not totally exhausted, I let the kids push me into taking them sandal shopping today. They are probably among the last children in Israel to be walking around in winter shoes.
It was in the high 80s again today and so dry that the field next to my house caught on fire and the fire department had to come and put it out. We did our shoe shopping while our house was full of smoke, and the fire department was taking care of things. I think the timing was perfect.
It is great how the girls are each so individual. It is even better that I could tell the sales lady if the child would say yes or no to each style before the child even saw them, and got it right every single time. One is into pink and frilly, one dark, classic and classy, and one a combination of classic and pink, if that is possible.
Bed time was a tad late since because we were a bit late getting home, but everyone went to sleep happy with new summer shoes or sandals next to their beds. I suspect that they will wake up happy and ready to run to school in the morning as well.
They are B"H so easy to please.
Monday, April 26, 2010
Doing when you can't....
I often wonder if pushing through the exhaustion is wise.
I had my acupuncture today (and it was torture, the worst session pain wise so far, but my shoulder is also a lot less numb, so I don't know what to think/do). While I was out I walked through the shuk and bought two small planters and potting soil (I have been searching for dirt and pots for a long long time!) and some big glass jars to make pickles in.
Once I came home I put up noodles for lunch and melted cheese onto them, took care of the kids and waited desperately for my husband to come home so I could go to sleep.
He arrived home and I climbed into bed. Before I even closed my eyes my cell phone rang. Someone was coming over and would be there in twenty minutes. I needed her help so I didn't say no, I also didn't nap.
As long as I was up I put away some laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, filled the washer with blankets I want put away for the summer, and reorganized my son's closet a bit so we could put away some pump supplies that someone had kindly sent us from the states.
My husband was helping the girls clean their room. The trundle bed was out from my niece's visit this past weekend and there was clean laundry waiting to be put away and dirty laundry on the floor. That didn't go well, so I ended up overseeing that as well.
And I have gone from exhausted to falling asleep in the middle of conversations. Absolutely totally done. I am ready to cry.
I still need to eat so I can take medication but that requires the mental ability to figure out what to eat and the energy to make and eat it. I also need to put my son's food together. If has to happen the night before because there is never a spare 5 minutes before his van comes at 6:55am. Setting the alarm clock earlier doesn't help, it must be ready in advance of we miss his ride.
I have to figure out what I am doing tomorrow. I can't sleep in, my cleaning lady is coming, but does that mean that I should spend the energy traveling to the beading class, especially since I don't have a ride back and it will be two buses. I am not sure. I am tempted to stay home and bead here and save the strength.
I have to let my friend know if I am coming or not.
Ideally I would pick up and have the house ready for the cleaning lady. My room I did, my son's room isn't bad and the girls room they did a half decent job on. The living room isn't terrible, so it would only be 5 minutes of cleanup, but I am going to have to bite my pride and leave it for her to do. Not only is it embarrasing, but it means the toys will end up on the couch and chairs. Putting things away where they belong before she gets here always makes a huge difference in how the house looks and feels when she leaves.
This has turned into random overtired ramblings. I am going to sign off and go to sleep!
I had my acupuncture today (and it was torture, the worst session pain wise so far, but my shoulder is also a lot less numb, so I don't know what to think/do). While I was out I walked through the shuk and bought two small planters and potting soil (I have been searching for dirt and pots for a long long time!) and some big glass jars to make pickles in.
Once I came home I put up noodles for lunch and melted cheese onto them, took care of the kids and waited desperately for my husband to come home so I could go to sleep.
He arrived home and I climbed into bed. Before I even closed my eyes my cell phone rang. Someone was coming over and would be there in twenty minutes. I needed her help so I didn't say no, I also didn't nap.
As long as I was up I put away some laundry, changed the sheets on my bed, filled the washer with blankets I want put away for the summer, and reorganized my son's closet a bit so we could put away some pump supplies that someone had kindly sent us from the states.
My husband was helping the girls clean their room. The trundle bed was out from my niece's visit this past weekend and there was clean laundry waiting to be put away and dirty laundry on the floor. That didn't go well, so I ended up overseeing that as well.
And I have gone from exhausted to falling asleep in the middle of conversations. Absolutely totally done. I am ready to cry.
I still need to eat so I can take medication but that requires the mental ability to figure out what to eat and the energy to make and eat it. I also need to put my son's food together. If has to happen the night before because there is never a spare 5 minutes before his van comes at 6:55am. Setting the alarm clock earlier doesn't help, it must be ready in advance of we miss his ride.
I have to figure out what I am doing tomorrow. I can't sleep in, my cleaning lady is coming, but does that mean that I should spend the energy traveling to the beading class, especially since I don't have a ride back and it will be two buses. I am not sure. I am tempted to stay home and bead here and save the strength.
I have to let my friend know if I am coming or not.
Ideally I would pick up and have the house ready for the cleaning lady. My room I did, my son's room isn't bad and the girls room they did a half decent job on. The living room isn't terrible, so it would only be 5 minutes of cleanup, but I am going to have to bite my pride and leave it for her to do. Not only is it embarrasing, but it means the toys will end up on the couch and chairs. Putting things away where they belong before she gets here always makes a huge difference in how the house looks and feels when she leaves.
This has turned into random overtired ramblings. I am going to sign off and go to sleep!
Sunday, April 25, 2010
Exhaustion
I am sorry for not updating last night.
I am totally wiped out.
It was great. Everything B"H went well. My daughter's friends are sweet, her speech went well, the food was yummy and plentiful and everyone was happy.
I napped this morning after going to my daughter's school party (which included her class acting out the play she wrote) and again as soon as my husband came home from work, before I brought my son to his doctor's appointment and I will be heading to sleep soon IY"H.
It may take me a while to recover but it was worth it.
I am totally wiped out.
It was great. Everything B"H went well. My daughter's friends are sweet, her speech went well, the food was yummy and plentiful and everyone was happy.
I napped this morning after going to my daughter's school party (which included her class acting out the play she wrote) and again as soon as my husband came home from work, before I brought my son to his doctor's appointment and I will be heading to sleep soon IY"H.
It may take me a while to recover but it was worth it.
Thursday, April 22, 2010
Pushing through!
I was exhausted, but determined to be productive today. I didn't accomplish as much as I would like, and a far far cry from yesterday, but some things B"H did happen.
I have two big tubs of cucumbers pickling and a couple pans of potato knishes baked.
I fell asleep tonight before the children. My husband was in charge and I have no idea what time they actually went to sleep. I would probably be sleeping now if the phone hadn't rung.
Since it did I will take it as a sign and make the potato mushroom knishes and formulate a plan for tomorrow's work. My husband is working but I am hopeful that the older children will be enthusiastic and ready to help.
We are starting our day with a trip to Kever Rochel. I should be home, and my daughter in school, by 10:30am if we get the bus I usually take back. I have a cake to make, egg salad, guacamole, and some vegetable salads.
My daughter's friend who can't have gluten, who had said earlier in the week that she wasn't coming, called today to say that she is coming, so I may attempt to make the cake gluten free. I prefer tried and true recipes, especially on Friday, but making sure there is desert for all is very important.
I would like everything to happen, but I am also holding onto the idea that everyone will be fed and happy, even if I don't accomplish all I wish I could. If in the end there is no cake there are plenty of cookies.
I have two big tubs of cucumbers pickling and a couple pans of potato knishes baked.
I fell asleep tonight before the children. My husband was in charge and I have no idea what time they actually went to sleep. I would probably be sleeping now if the phone hadn't rung.
Since it did I will take it as a sign and make the potato mushroom knishes and formulate a plan for tomorrow's work. My husband is working but I am hopeful that the older children will be enthusiastic and ready to help.
We are starting our day with a trip to Kever Rochel. I should be home, and my daughter in school, by 10:30am if we get the bus I usually take back. I have a cake to make, egg salad, guacamole, and some vegetable salads.
My daughter's friend who can't have gluten, who had said earlier in the week that she wasn't coming, called today to say that she is coming, so I may attempt to make the cake gluten free. I prefer tried and true recipes, especially on Friday, but making sure there is desert for all is very important.
I would like everything to happen, but I am also holding onto the idea that everyone will be fed and happy, even if I don't accomplish all I wish I could. If in the end there is no cake there are plenty of cookies.
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