Frustratingly numb

I have no idea what happened but my calcium is way down again and I feel yucky. I went for lab work this morning but the lab took its own sweet time getting us results.

Generally urgent labs sent off before 9am are supposed to have results by 2pm, but today they decided that they weren't running calcium urgently. Results only came in at 6:30pm and the office closes at 7pm, so it was too late for IV today.

I am a bit frustrated with my helper. She used to be so reliable and wonderful to work with. She didn't show up yesterday, but called to say she was coming today. This is not the first time this has happened recently. Today she didn't show up again. It has gotten to the point that I am embarrassed to call and check in to find out why she didn't come and make sure she is okay. It has been so many times that I feel like I am the one who has the issue for actually expecting it to work this time.

I know she has been going through a lot and I am not upset with her, but I need her. I need things to settle down for her or for her to say she can't keep the job now. Telling me she is coming and not showing up and not calling is frustrating.

One of my good friends said that I am not my normal patient self when my calcium is low. It makes sense. I feel gross, I can't do what I want to do, and I get electric shocks up my arms when I try move my fingers. Changing diapers and putting on my son's pjamas are a torture exercise I know is coming all evening and can't avoid. The laundry is sitting waiting to be folded, but that motion, over and over again, is not possible. My house is not a disaster, but it is not how I like it and it could be if I felt better or had a bit of help. There is so much to do that I can't and I don't feel good about it. I am grumpy. I am likely even a bit snappy, though I am trying to keep a smile on my face.

I did get a lot of pickles made in my new jars anyway. Even if I got nothing else done, at least that happened. I want the kids to have as many pickles as they want on Shabbos and I wanted to be able to show myself that I accomplished something today.