Feeling pain - second post tonight

Last night I couldn't sleep. I lay awake thinking about my pain and an odd thought popped into my head, until this surgery my shoulder was numb. It was dropped because of cut muscles and nerves, but I had no normal feeling in it. It itched, but if I scratched it just itched more, I couldn't feel the scratching. It was like this from the back of my head, down the right side of my neck, my upper chest, and down my arm to half way between my shoulder and elbow.

Now the numbness is a lot less. My theory is that it is less because the [now cleaned out] scar tissue was pressing on nerves. My surgeon claims he had nothing to do with it. He has no idea why the feeling would have come back with what he did. The numbness was an expected part of my first surgery because of the nerves they had to cut through. The point is, it is back. I am still numb on one side of the back of my head, my neck and my shoulder itself, but not my arm.

So in the middle of the night I had a scary though that maybe my shoulder has "hurt" this whole time, I just couldn't feel it. Maybe this isn't new from my surgery and won't be going away. Maybe it won't get better.

Maybe the numbness was a blessing that I didn't even know how to fully appreciate.

So many times He blesses us with something that seems wrong or hard or odd but is really for our best. Most of the time we aren't ever given the opportunity to understand why. Maybe the numbness, that made me nutty and itchy, was saving me from the pain.