This was not my plan.

But is it ever?

I am a bit down.

I spent the day yesterday trying to take care of someone in the community. Her husband is disabled. He was born with spina biffida and had a kidney transplant a couple years ago. He is pretty much bed ridden now and because of the anti-rejection medication he keeps on getting infections. She is his full time care giver and money is really tight.

Three months ago their oven died. The wife just figured out what to cook and how to cook everything on her stove top.

Two weeks ago her washing machine died again, and this time it isn't worth even trying to repair it again. She has been washing laundry at her neighbors' homes, but there is no local laundry mat, she has no car and she isn't willing to embarrass her husband by bringing his soiled linen to a neighbors home to wash. Right now she estimates that she has at least 20 loads of wash waiting to be taken care of, and no machine.

I had been saving money for something for myself, so I deposited all I had into her account. It was 1000nis out of the 2,600nis a new machine costs. I spent the remainder of my day soliciting funds for her and came up with a bit more, though no where near enough. I am still working on it though and IY"H we will get there.

It was the right thing to do and I put all of my energy into it, even though I don't have much energy right now. I am still not feeling well. My son is sick. I am working on getting the house back in order before out of town guests arrive.

Today was my ultrasound.

I expected just another ultrasound, just like it has been every three months.

I went by myself.

I said psalms while I waited.

I prayed for my friends and relatives who need healing.

I did not worry.

First the nurse walked in and prepped the sterile equipment for the biopsy, just like every time before when we ended up just doing the ultasound and no biopsies. I smiled at myself, knowing she would need none of the equipment, wondering if I should tell her to save her effort and supplies, but kept quiet.

Then the doctor came in. She asked me how I was, if there was any change in my condition. I told her I was B"H doing fine and was sure that she would find all in order. She did her job, smashed my neck with her ultra sound wand and had me contort into funny positions so I couldn't see the screen at all, just like usual.

This time, she finished and told me that the node was bigger and she thought we should biopsy. I immediately said "no." Not, no you can't, just no, this isn't the right conversation, we aren't discussing this, this isn't how this works every time.

Before I could explain myself, she said that she thinks it needs to be done, but she will get another doctor to look. Quick as a flash she was back with the only other doctor I have been told to trust with my neck ultrasounds. He is actually her superior.

They looked together, spoke and bit and agreed that the biopsy needed to happen.

Being a smart lady, I couldn't really say no, not even there by myself emotionally unprepared. So she did it. B"H I survived. I feel like I was run over by a mac truck.

Now we wait for results and I start praying for my own health at least as intently as I pray for the health of my family and friends.