What a day.

Impossible as it seemed at the time, yesterday only got worse after I posted my update.

I got a phone call from my sister it law telling me that my brother in law's wedding (in two weeks) was called off.

My brother in law is one of my favorite people and one of the most sensitive people I know. He comes to our rescue when no one else even notices we need help. He notices everyone's pain and worries and takes it onto his shoulders.

We try to protect him, since he is such a sensitive soul, but this time we can't. I fell apart when I got the news but B"H a good friend was able to come over last night and chat and hang out with me. When she was here I was able to calm my nerves enough to realize I was hungry and ate for the first time all day.

When I told my children today they fell apart as well. They love him so. My 12 year old recited psalm after psalm all the while soaking the pages with her tears and my nine year old sat in shock, speechless for the first time in her life.

I think we will be using the dresses that we had made for the wedding as an excuse to take some family pictures.

The 2765nis I paid for the private appointment for my biopsy and ultrasound yesterday, because my original appointment (which insurance would have paid for) was the same time and date as the wedding ceremony was schedule for, was obviously not mine to begin with.

My losses are nothing compared to the pain and suffering of my brother in law and the financial losses of others.

But there are also benefits. My mother in law and my husband's grandmother already have plane tickets. Though it is an expense, my mother in law need the vacation and my husband's grandmother hasn't met my youngest child and hasn't seen my other children in five and a half years! The last time she saw my third daughter, my daughter was only 11 months old. Now she is in first grade!

As much as the visit will be shrouded in a cloud of grief I am glad they are still coming.

I am, understandably really numb today. Stress drops my calcium levels and yesterday was incredibly sad and stressful and telling the kids today was intensely upsetting as well.

Tomorrow I am running around, first bringing my second daughter, who has intense sensory issues, for her first filling. Then I am bringing my son to the doctor since his breathing is a huge issue. He is coughing to the point of vomiting and needing more oxygen than he should if it was just a regular cold.

Considering how I am feeling today I really need a down day, but I certainly won't be getting it.