But now I can't do too much or I make myself ill and in a dangerous spot.
I emotionally need order right now. I need to be ready. An organized house makes me feel more in control and more put together, no matter how I am physically. My head is more in order when my house is in order.
Today I had help folding and putting away laundry. I really appreciate it. I happily paid my helper for her time and just wish she could come more often. I did some decluttering in my room with my husband's help as well. The laundry room still looks great B"H and progress was made on the attic playroom last week. I just want it all done now and perfect.
The kitchen is clean, no dirty dishes, but it needs some organization. The dish drainers are full and there are boxes of cereal and a bit of clutter on the counter, etc. My husband helped with the dishes while I was sick, for which I am grateful, but he doesn't even see the clutter. Putting things away and making the kitchen feel like mine and look beautiful again is up to me.
If I had unlimited energy I wouldn't sit and think from now until surgery. I could find plenty to do to avoid thinking.
But G-d has other plans. I will work and feel accomplished in small spurts and think in larger chunks even though it goes against my nature. Too much time to think is hard when there are such big and scary things looming.
I am also having concentration issues. I missed my doctor's appointment this morning. I totally spaced out when it was time to leave and didn't remember about it again until an hour after my appointment. Later I missed my daughter's appointment as well. I let her know she was going to have to remind me and we were going to have to leave as soon as she got home, but she didn't and I didn't remember until much later in the afternoon.
Tomorrow we will have to try again! I need some prescriptions and help getting insurance authorizations for everything coming up and for my primary care doctor to know what is going on. I haven't seen her since before my biopsy.
Good news: My husband took the box of "too big boy's clothing" down and we found quite a bit of winter clothing in sizes three and four. I am so so relieved. We only have one medium size box containing all of too big clothing, we got as hand me downs and gifts, since he is the only boy, and I hadn't even hoped that so much of it was what we needed!
This is a huge relief. Not only does shopping take money but it also takes a lot of energy. For now it is back to summer weather, hot hot hot, but I don't need to even think about my son's winter clothing once the weather turns cold again!
I can continue to stay home and concentrate my energy on my children and getting my house completely in order.
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